Pics of Me in Front of Stuff

Tough Mudder - Tri-State 2011- Englishtown, NJ

2011-11-14T23:30:00.001-05:00

Everywhere we go

People Want to Know

Who we are

So We Tell Them

We are the Hotties, the Jalapeno Hotties!

I didn't pick the name. I just tried to make the most of it.

My fellow Jalapeno Hotties and I paid a good bit of money, over $100, to beat the hell out of ourselves over the course of 12 miles. From the the picture above, you can see it was a rough three and a half hours.

Here's me up close and personal after I got home from the race.

I searched through the majority of photos that Brightroom Photography posted on their website and there was not one where I wasn't looking at the ground as a I ran. At least I'm looking into the camera in these photos. I doubt the women who look at these photos think they might not look good. You all have a fan in me. You're all covered in mud and you look exhausted and HOT! Keep up the good work!
Is that weird?
Not sure, hut this definitely is.
In case you don't know what the Tough Mudder is, you should definitely check out their website. (The video that comes up, definitely gets me fired up.) So does this one. The Tough Mudder is The Warrior Dash's big, bully of a brother. It's more than 3x as long and about 10x as a mean.

You freeze your ass off at the beginning.

You get electrocuted by 10,000 volts at the end!

That wasn't me, but that's a very good representation of my experience. I caught a wire in the back of the head and definitely bounced my head off the ground. I thought I might have had a concussion or broken nose. At least my nose wasn't broken.

So that was the beginning and the end, but the middle....well, I'm not sure I can adequately describe the middle of the course itself. I ran 12 miles through it covered in mud, there is a good chance I just forgot some of it! A week later, my bumps and bruises are mostly gone. The memories are a little hazy. There definitely was a lot of mud and I know at one point I compared it to the Swamp of Sadness from the Never Ending Story. Luckily, I didn't give up like Atreyu's horse. God, that was a fucked up movie to be targeted at kids. There is no succumbing to the sadness at the Tough Mudder.

You can search the internet for how the marathon is a 'Triumph of the Human Spirit'. Check out some quotes about running 26.1 miles. Having only run a half-marathon, I can only half relate to what that means. Sure, there are races that are longer and more difficult. I suggest Born to Run by Christopher MacDougall if you want to hear about the people who do them. A marathon is the absolute farthest any portion of regular society will ever push themselves to go. It's linked to mythical celebration of victory in Ancient Greece and it's name is used to describe any long, difficult task that tests the will of its participants. On an individual basis, there is not an event that will test the will and spirit of the average person. (Since I can't swim very well, I won't include an Iron Man Triathlon because I assume I'm at least close to average).

The Tough Mudder on the other hand tests the individual as well as its participants as a group. If you tried finishing the Tough Mudder or a marathon without being in at least decent physical condition you'd probably fail. Unlike a marathon, unless you are an elite athlete, you are not going to be able to finish the Tough Mudder by yourself. A marathon will test your will, but if you just keep moving your feet you'll finish. However, climbing over the Berlin Walls, scaling the quarter-pipe known as Everest, climbing under the Devil's Beard, scaling the muddy hills of the Muddy Mile, or climbing through the Boa Constrictor is not possible without help from your fellow Mudders. Other Tough Mudders pushed and pulled me and I pushed and pulled fellow Tough Mudders over and through numerous obstacles that might not have been possible without each other. There is something special about helping both your teammates and people you don't know outside of climbing through a huge mud puddle through what could be compared to a gym class from Hell.
That's not something you get many other places. The Tough Mudder isn't about who finished first. The Tough Mudder is about everyone finishing! The event raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project and was designed by the British Special Forces. Before we were allowed on the course you take the Tough Mudder Pledge led by an MC who said Hoorah! a lot and also told us to take a knee.

Someone wrote on the comments on the photo page 'They had me at take a knee' and I can't help but agree. Flashbacks to football camp and the brotherhood that I felt in high school and college immediately ran through my head. I won't exaggerate and claim my fellow Tough Mudders are now my brothers and sisters, but for those three + hours there was a definite sense of shared purpose and community. As great as the sense of accomplishment was for me personally finishing, it felt just as good to know I helped other Tough Mudders complete their own journey.
Will I try the Tough Mudder again in 2012? I hope so. It won't be just for the group hug feeling I described above. There were 2 obstacles - rope drag and Funky Monkey Bars - I'd like to try over again because those were essentially individual obstacles that I could not finish. My effort and preparation are two things I can control and I'd like to prepare more and try those again. Maybe I could be one of those elite athletes. So look for more of these finisher badges in the near future.

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma - State # 50

2011-11-01T19:55:00.003-04:00

In case you missed the previous post, I hit up Oklahoma and the description on my profile became inaccurate. Approximately 29 years, 11 months, and 1 after I was brought into this world, covered in blood and screaming, I made it to the 50th state in the Union.

I've been to all 50 states, bitches!

Having visited the Sooner State, there is no doubt the wind comes sweeping down the plains in Oklahoma.
There is not a whole hell of a lot to stop the wind in Oklahoma.
Quick, name 3 things to do in Oklahoma you can't do anywhere else on Earth.
You can sing Oklahoma anywhere.
Here's what I did to make my 50th state memorable.
1. Dinner and beer at the Bricktown Brewery, followed by more beer at the Tapwerks, followed by even more beer at Toby Keith's I Love This Bar. That might sound like a lot of beer. Really, it only means I had at least 3. Given how full of nachos, ribs, and decorated cheesecake I was, I could not force many more beers down. The nachos and ribs were good enough for me to keep shoving down my throat. I may have just been hungry, too.

Spelling isn't their strong suit in the kitchens of Bricktown Brewery

The cake was all thanks to KwaK. Apparently, the confused look on the face of our waiter when she asked him to write Happy 50th on the cake was priceless. Even with my current beard, I'm pretty sure I don't look 50. That confusion apparently carried over into the actual preparation of the cake as well. Happy 50st? It got a lot of laughs on facebook. All of that is part the reason I put on 6 lbs over the course of this trip. And while I do have a nice beard my neck is not tired enough to make me think I have an extra six pounds hanging of hair off of my face. The beard is in memorial of past playoff beards and a jump start for Movember. But could you imagine 6 pounds just hanging off your face? That's a hell of a lot of beard.

This beard's density is increased by sheer bad-ass. It's probably close to 100 lbs.

I grow hair just about everywhere but where I want it to grow and I don't think all of that adds up to 6 pounds. I really can't get past the thought of that much hair.
We've been down this road before with dirt.
2. If you find yourself nearby, you should visit The Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. We here at PoMiFoS know this blog is not the go-to source for anything outside of knowing where Kyle visited a few months ago. Given the lack of effort put into updating, and/or editing put into this blog, it should never be used for any source material. Steal any and all jokes that you want. The good ones were probably ripped off from somewhere else!
The point of all of this blogging self-deprecation is that my trip into The OKC Bombing Memorial Museum was an intensely emotional experience for me and my companion, KwaK and I eschewed having my photograph taken on the grounds. The memorial itself is a beautiful tribute to the 200 lives lost in what seems to be an American tragedy that is too often overshadowed by what happened before (The first WTC bombing) and after (9/11). Photography was not prohibited in the museum, but I was caught up in the whole experience.

Each of those markers stands for a life lost due to the bombing.

KwaK reading the poems and mementos left behind in memorial.

A message from the search effort.

The museum is located in the former home of The Journal Record which was right next to the Alfred Murrah building. The displays start on the 6th floor with a brief history of the building and the events that occurred leading up to the bombing. Guests are then led into a mock hearing room to listen to an audio recording of a hearing on water rights involving the Wikle family. The tape recording starts at 9:00 AM on April 19, 1995 and and at approximately 9:03 AM you can hear the explosion occur in the tape recording and the powerful experience begins. I'll openly admit I was close to tears several times throughout the entire trip through the museum. The story that struck me the most was of the nurse who died in the rescue effort after she rushed to the rescue effort. There were so many stories of extraordinary care that strangers gave one another it was both sad and heartwarming at the same time. It's sad that it too often takes humans behaving at their worst to prompt humans to act at their best, but it's good to know that the capacity for great compassion is still there.

3. After an emotional trip through the OKC Bombing Memorial and a delicious lunch at Jazmoz Bourbon Street Cafe along what amounts to Oklahoma City's version of the River Walk in the Bricktown District, we next visited The American Banjo Museum.

It's impossible to play a sad song on the the banjo and we both needed to be cheered up.

Clearly, it's true. Thanks for proving my point, Dirt Farm.
Almost immediately after walking into the building KwaK and I met Bill, receptionist/volunteer/banjo afficianado at the front desk who gave us a rundown of the banjo as well as a brief performance on his own banjo.

This isn't Bill, but I wish it was.

I don't know if any 'Banjo People' (Bill's words not mine) read PoMiFoS, but if you're a banjo neophyte like I am you'd be surprised to know prior to the WWII banjo players were like rockstars. If there was such a thing as an Xbox or PS3 or even television at the beginning of the 20th Century, I imagine Banjo Hero would be a best-seller. Famous banjo performers existed, but I'll be damned if I could name any. The Kingston Trio are probably the only ones of which I had anything close to prior knowledge.

Do these guys rock or what? Maybe rock is not the correct word for the Kingston Trio, but I'll admit to a burgeoning taste for folk music. And what's folk music without banjos?

I really don't care to imagine it.

And that really summed up Oklahoma City, Oklahoma for me. The weather was pleasant and the Oklahoma City Memorial is a great example for what memorials should be. Having not been to the 9/11 memorial, I can only help it has been done as well as its counterpart in OKC. Since I was not expecting much from Oklahoma, it certainly did not disappoint.

50 Nifty United States - Been There, Done That

2011-10-27T20:09:00.000-04:00

In case you're not my facebook friend and missed the stream of foursquare-tweets, I did it. 29 years, 11 months, and 1 day after I was born I woke up in Oklahoma City, OK.
visited 50 states (100%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or website vertaling duits?
But, seriously,, why aren't you my facebook friend? Too fucking cool?
What's next?
Hopefully, some more blog posts and the rest of the world.

Rock n Roll Philadelphia Half Marathon

2011-09-22T22:05:00.000-04:00

I finished a half marathon.I ran the first 11 miles and the last 2.1 miles I just sort of run/walked/drug myself to the finish line. Two hours and eighteen minutes later, a PR, later I was finished.

I was told I looked pretty good after I was done. What do you think?

I feel like I need a little more hair.

I'm not sure where I found the energy to smile or pose.

With the extra hair I might not have been able to hold my head up. Somehow the back hair did not seen to keep me from standing up. Maybe I would have been able to run the whole 13.1 if I had trimmed that shit. Maybe next time...

Phillies Clinch the NL East!

2011-09-19T22:40:00.000-04:00

So this is what it looks like to win 5 straight NL East Division titles

Check out Kristen with a K at 0:32 and the 5 times guy at 0:52.

Hopefully, this isn't the last banner the Phillies win this year!

Conquering the America, one state at a time

2011-09-17T13:19:00.000-04:00

Just got back from the Midwest...

3 Left..I'm coming for you Oklahoma, Kansas, and Texas!

The Bronx Zoo - The Bronx

2011-07-21T06:41:00.000-04:00

I wrote this during the dark days of the All Star Break....
Let's Go Phillies! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap
Let's Go Phillies! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap
Let's Go Phillies! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap
Let's Go Phillies! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap
Let's Go Phillies! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap
Let's Go Phillies! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap

I am seriously lost without the Phillies on tonight.
Cliff Lee scored more runs than the rest of the Phillies on Saturday .

The Fightin's laid two touchdowns on the Braves on Sunday.
Somehow Ryan Howard did not make the home run derby on Monday night.
Seriosuly, Prince?
Rickie Weeks?

Seriously?

At least you may have clinched home field advantage for the Phils in the World Series.
Who's excited?

Everybody was excited even this guy in the Bronx Zoo.

It might be for Jeter's 3,000th hit today., I guess. Remember, Cliff Lee hit just as many home runs as Derek Jeter the same day and Cliff also struck out 9 Braves. How many people did Derek Jeter strike out?
Any guesses?

Just going to sleep there? Typical Yankees fans, ignorant to the other 29 baseball teams.
Surprised they even know the other 29 teams exist.
You can probably guess it was tough living here in November of 2009 when the stupid asshole Yankees beat my beloved Fightin's in the World Series.
Let's just say Jeter has fewer career wins than the Phillies' back-up shortstop and I like it that way.
I have been to Yankee Stadium before, but this Mother's Day I took the Official Mom of PoMiFoS to somewhere else nearby, the Bronx Zoo. She wanted to see the baby animals and since I have not provided her with any baby humans to fawn over yet, she had to settle for some other young mammals.

Look at that little orange fella. Ain't he cute?

Speaking of babies, how the Hell is Juan Perez 32?

He looks like he's 15. I wander if he is the anti-Tejada and lied the wrong way on his birth certificate. Regardless, he keeps pitching like he has the games before the All-Star Break, I do not care how old he is.

Back to the baby animals.

He's a cute little...deer...thing...ain't he?

And so are these guys.

And I'm sure if that little guy is still alive he is darling as well.

I'm pretty sure he moved while we were passing by.

Surprisingly, that was really the extent of the baby animals running or laying around on Mother's Day. Mom still had a great time and I was pleasantly surprised by the zoo. Given that it was in the Bronx, I was concerned it would be rather ghetto. Honestly, old Yankee Stadium was a rundown dump. Take away the 26 World Championships and the place was a rundown old stadium. If that was the highlight of the Bronx before the new stadium was built, then I imagine the lesser lights could be nothing but disappointing. Little did I know the same organization that runs the Bronx Zoo runs all of the zoos in New York City including the Central Park Zoo, you know the one with the bad-ass penguins in the movie Madagascar. With that said, they had plenty of non-baby animals.

There were lions

and tigers

and turtles

Oh my.
Let's not forget the Official Favorite Animal of PoMiFoS, the Polar Bear.

I love polar bears. Maybe not as much as the Phillies, but if the Phillie Phanatic was in a fight to the death with a polar bear, I'm not sure who I would be cheering for. Paint some red pinstripes on the big white guy above and suddenly he's a pholar bear. Sounds like an interesting idea to me. Fortunately, this is a dilemma that will probably never come up. Since it was Mother's Day, it was for the best because she's a big phan of the Phanatic. So it was a great day to spend with the Official Mom and Step Dad of PoMiFoS. We saw lots of animals and had a lovely time at the Bronx Zoo. Everyone should go.

Reading Phillies - First Energy Stadium - Reading, PA

2011-07-04T21:37:00.000-04:00

If you're read just about any post in the history of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff outside aside from the first one way back in September 2008, you probably know I have a healthy fanhood (obsession?) for the Philadelphia Phillies. Use the search field on my blog and see how many blogs pop up from the word 'Phillies'. Is Phillies a word? They have been known to affect my attire as well as my facial hair so is it any surprise they have dominated my blog? People thought I was going to die at Photo Day from a combination of the heat and mononucleosis. I'm listening to Scott Franzke and Larry Anderson call the Phillies-Marlins game as I type this. It's safe to say I am a Phan.
And also that Vance Worley is a good pitcher. Ask Dustin Pedroia.
Before all of that came into fruition, when the Phillies were awful during most of childhood, I was a frequent visitor to their AA affiliate in Reading, the cleverly named Reading Phillies. I spent a large portion of my childhood living down the street, like 10 blocks from the epicenter of Baseballtown. I'm not really sure how Reading captured that moniker. The local high school is best known for it's basketball team. Lenny Moore (Former NFL All-Pro), Donyell Marshall (former NBA player and All-American at UConn and he lived across the street from me) and Stu Jackson former (former coach of the Knicks and current NBA executive) are the most notable athletic alumni. In the Rabbit series, John Updike gave an unflattering description of the people he grew up around in nearby Shillington. But he was a Red Soz fan so he can go fuck himself. Taylor Swift was born in Wyomissing, the Snob Hill of Berks County, and she sang the National Anthem before Game 3 of the 2008 World Series.

In case you missed it, the Phillies won that one.
Before she was a household name she sang the Star Spangled Banner before a Reading Phillies game. Sadly, that's the best native I can come up with as a link to the Baseballtown moniker.
Here's where she sang:

First Energy Stadium

Here I am in First Energy Stadium

Ryan Howard just struck out again.
Here's some of the Official Family of PoMiFoS who were lucky enough to watch the game with me.

There was an actual baseball game that night as well. The R-Phils bear the Richmond Flying Squirrels (not the River Rats like some people told me) 7-4. J.C. Ramirez (not J.C. Romero who used to be a left-handed reliever for the Phils) started for the Phils and stuck out 9 over 6 innings while allowing 4 runs via 2 honers to Richmond 1B Wes Hodges, who actually has a Wikipedia entry. Here's the young J.C. (not Romero and not The JC...ya know, that Messiah guy) warming up.

Thank goodness Michael Martinez just hit an RBI single.
Honestly, I love going to baseball games regardless of who's playing anymore. The weather and the beer and the food and the friends almost always add up to a great time. The weather was nice, the beer was cold, and I was with family I love, see above. The food was a little disappointing though cheaper than the usual Major League fair. Sadly, the Rita's Water Ice line stretched throughout the grandstand. A nice woman in front of us informed us the line was about '2 to 3 innings long'. The food was not Major League quality, but Minor League teams really try to entertain their fans. For the R-Phils, this includes but is not limited to:

A mascot band

Reading has 5 mascots, from (L-R): Bucky, Screwball, Quack, Change Up, and Blooper. Screwball has been there since my childhood, the other 4 are more recent additions. To watch them play classic rock was a little bizarre. To watch them play classic rock poorly and hear Quack, the lead singer, say he's proof you don't need to have talent to have fun playing rock n' roll was hilarious. Along with the 5 mascots, the Reading features another character called Crazy Hotdog Vendor.

The picture does not do him justice. Check out his Facebook page at the link above.

They also feature a dance squad.

That's right, a dance squads aka cheerleaders.

There's no dance squads in baseball. No crying either.

If Antonio Bastardo blows the save for the game I'm listening to, I may cry.
But really, minor league teams know how to entertain their fans. The AA Phils ended their night with a fundraiser involving throwing tennis ball on the field. The proceeds of which went towards the widow of Kyle Pagerly, a local policeman killed in the line of duty. All those tennis balls helped raise over $1300 for his family.

Bastardo just shut the door on the Fish, but thinking about what all those tennis balls were for makes you realize baseball is not worth crying over. But enough of being a downer, the night ended on a fantastic fireworks display just beyond the scoreboard. I read a snarky twitter post regarding poorly taken photos of fireworks so I stowed my camera and just watched. I've subjected you to enough poorly taken photos for one sitting. I'll be back with some poorly taken photos later this week.

Indianapolis Motorspeedway - Indianapolis, IN - State No 40

2011-07-03T14:40:00.000-04:00

How is the quest for all 50 states going, Kyle?

I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out.

So what does one do in Indiana? It's not one of the sexy, exciting states that gets numerous blog posts like Hawaii. There's no Major League Baseball team to wait for the Phillies to visit either. There is the Soldiers' and Sailors' Monument in downtown Indianapolis.

During PoMiFoS's visit, there was also a FFA convention or The FFA Convention or some big deal for the FFA that weekend. For those of you who don't know, FFA stands for Future Farmer's of America. Apparently it's a big deal in rural high schools. The Official High School of PoMiFoS was rural and there was an active FFA chapter there, but being neither a current farmer nor a future farmer at the time, I did not participate. I stuck with the football team. I am no longer a football player and I am still not a farmer though some of the locals in New Jersey may link me to them. Country music is great, but I am among the least country of my friends. Regardless of my participation in agriculture or lack thereof, I saw about 10000 adolescents and teens wearing their navy flue FFA jackets proclaiming their home state. Here is one from Colorado.

Many of them wandered around Indianapolis on their first trip to the big city. There were giggles galore and when I was among large groups of them, the hormones were palpable. Farmers are awkward when they're teenagers, too. When Little Farmer Johnnie fantasizes about taking Little Farmer Janie to the barn dance and holds out for a roll in the hay, there really is hay involved. And they know the difference between hay (dried grass) and straw (dried stalks of grain).

Hay

Straw

And everyone knows, all good boys and girls from the country love watching cars go round in circles. So does PoMiFoS and where better to do that than the location of the The Great American Race, the Indy 500. Not surprisingly he majority of the FFA Conventioneers were at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway the same time as PoMiFoS or at least it felt that way. They filled the lobby and museum of the Motor Speedway and also took up most of the space on my tour bus. If I were a better storyteller/photographer you'd see some photos of the multitude of navy blue jackets filing past racecars and kissing the bricks at the start-finish line. Hell, you'd see the bricks at the start-finish line. Instead you get a photo of the gate and a poorly taken one at that.

There ya go. Enjoy!

Fortunately, the tour did more than just go to the gate. I went to the gate myself. I would have been pissed if I paid $20 (or however much I spent) for just that. No, the tour was via bus and it took us for a lap, a slow lap, around the track. You can both the banking in the turns and our tour guide in the picture below. Doesn't he just scream tour guide at a race track?

At the very least, that face says NASCAR fan. Of course, I used to be a semi-regular visitor of NASCAR races myself. At Martinsville, VA we watched Rusty Wallace's last victory, sat in a truck, drank a lot of beer, and played cornhole..

Despite the redneck background, cornhole does not involve squealing like a pig.

Back to the more recent past, the tour took us around the track past landmarks recognizable to those familiar with the race track or the Indy 500 or the Brickyard 500.

The Pagoda and the Yard of Bricks at the Start-Finish Line.

The largest media center in the world!

No, really, largest in the world.

And the Victory Podium.

Sadly, I did not have any milk to chug upon completion of the tour.

Be sure to take some milk if you go, unless it's really hot. If you're a racing fan or a sports fan in general, you really should.

Grand Tetons and Yellowstone - Wyoming- State No. 37

2011-06-12T19:04:00.000-04:00

Who's excited for a post on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff?

Clearly, KJ, the newest member of the PoMiFoS family is.

I like to think of the cast of characters who inhabit the mysterious world as PoMiFoS as a big family. It's been a disservice to her to not include her and Wyoming not to mention her sooner. Since we're actually hanging out face-to-face in a few days it's probably best she gets mentioned. I'm pretty sure she's not violent, but she has a seat next to me at the Phillies-Mariners game this Saturday and I do not want to test my luck.

She's been waiting for a long while so it's high time some more of this damn road trip actually made it on my blog. Though it's Pics of ME in Front of Stuff, I really do this for the people. All 3 of the people who actually read this stuff and have recently threatened to never read again since it's been far too long between updates.

So....I was in Wyoming last July.

There I was at the Idaho-Wyoming border, in the middle of nowhere. Back then I actually had someone to take my photo and so we stopped to let me block the view of some landscape. Strangely, just as KJ and I crossed the Idaho-Wyoming border there was a little bit of home (mine not hers) to greet me.

PENNSYLVANIA!!!!

In case you are piss-poor at American geography, the Keystone State and the....Wyoming...State are not near each other at all. Enough of me criticizing your geographic understanding of our country, I'm writing this instead of doing something more useful to talk about Wyoming.

Why Wyoming? There are ton of easy answers.
1.)Wyoming was a state I had not visited. It was #40.
2.) There is a ton of beautiful shit to see there. I'm blocking a view the Grant Tetons below.

Check out the size of those Tetons!

Those are some Grand Tetons aren't they?!

It might look obvious from the photo above I was a little tired entering the Grand Tetons. I was pretty tired. It was partially from driving over 1000 miles to the Grand Tetons. It also had something to do with the mono that kicked in while I was hiking through the heat in Arches National Park. I was not diagnosed until after returning to New Jersey but it was never how the virus got to me. I will say the possible cause attacked possibly even molested me on the dance floor at mur.mur in the Borgata in Atlantic City. Regardless of where I got it, crowded drunken dance floor attack or the hot desert of Utah, it slowed me down to a crawl. Thank God I convinced KJ to come along.. She did not get sick and I'm pretty sure she wasn't the one who got me sick. KJ was an initial person of interest but the timing just doesn't work. Regardless of who got me sick, KJ came with me to visit Wyoming.

Look at that big fella and check out the sign he's partially blocking.

Who could really resist traveling that fine piece of man meat?
Yellowstone might have been a big draw as well.

What can I tell you? The scenery was pretty nice.

Dragon Cave.

The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.

There were the animals, too. Who doesn't love animals?

Everybody Loves Animals!

UNC - Kentucky - 2011 Elite 8 - Newark, NJ

2011-03-30T23:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Readers
I told you I would get this video!

UNC won the opening tip.

But you should all know by now that UK won the game and made the Final Four.
Here's both teams displaying good sportsmanship and shaking hands following the game.

They also cut down the nets as teams do when they reach the Final Four but some in my party were anxious to get home...and take a nap...
Still worth the trip.
I am definitely out application for next year's Final Four in New Orleans!

NCAA Tournament - Sweet 16 - Prudential Center - Newark, NJ

2011-03-26T14:07:00.000-04:00

Here's what happens when a video of a basketball game is professionally put together by a large corporation with lots of video equipment and professionals to use it.

Here's what happens when a video of basketball game is not done very professionally.

That's what the last seconds of Ohio State-Kentucky looked like live from the back of someone's head at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ. In case you missed it in the first two videos, these guys won:

The Bartner and I have watched the NCAA Tournament together before with exciting results. This time we had scored tickets to see live actions. This time with no Bear Fights. There were two games on Friday night. The lesser of the two - North Carolina vs. Marquette - was first. Everything about the first game was not as good as the second game as you can see from the score just after halftime.

The lopsided score sucked the life out of the Marquette and Carolina fans as well as the Bartner and PoMiFoS. The pep bands even seemed to lack pep. They politely took turns playing and featured no entertainment at halftime. Marquette was 2-16 from behind the arch and not not much better from anywhere else.
Ohio State-Kentucky was the big draw for the night as the red clad fans spelling out O-H-I-O dominated my corner of the arena. There was much more electricity in the air when the game started and there was even more energy and even a little rivalry between the cheerleaders and pep bands. The polite alternate playing went out the window as fans, bands, and pep squads tried to drown their opposition out. Maybe it was because I was located behind the Ohio State band and near their fans, but it felt like the Buckeyes and their faithful won that contest. Also, it's easier to chant OH-IO than yelling Blue and White or spelling out CATS. The Kentucky pep squad did put on an impressive display by spelling out CATS via back-flips (not pictured but I'm totally getting a video Sunday)and a giant mascot topped, spinning human pyramid.

And wow, I talked a lot about the bands and cheerleaders...
But really, the second game of the night was fantastic. Look a photo of game action:

Ohio State and Kentucky played a back-and-forth game in which neither could take control. At halftime, the Official Mom of PoMiFoS texted me to find out about the game.
PoMiFoS: UNC killed Marquette. UK-OSU is tied at 30 at halftime.
Official Mom of PoMiFoS: Wow, must be a close game
It's true, it was a close game. The only way it could have been closer was if the teams were wearing the same jersey at the same time. The game stayed that way throughout. You can scroll back to the top and see how it ended. Hopefully, North Carolina-Kentucky will be just as good on Sunday evening. Look for me in the crowd, I'll be the guy in a blue shirt.

50 in 30 Progress!

2011-03-20T12:31:00.001-04:00

The hour is getting late.
The end is drawing near.
Only 9 states to go.
Only 9 months to go.
Let's do this!

visited 41 states (82%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

Freezing my ass off in New Jersey...

2011-01-26T17:16:00.000-05:00

OMFG this weather is so cold it's making me talk in acronyms or whatever you call things like that. It barely reached double digits today in North Jersey. Thank God it did not snow again because I could not handle another bitch fest coming out of New York City. It echoes out of the tunnel and it hurts my ears.
Remember things could always be worse.

This video is relatively old, but I had to fit it in somewhere because I am a big fan. Not sure if it really belongs but the Snowpocalypse/Snowmaggedon/Snowlocaust will do that to a man. Do what? I have no idea.
Regardless, what I wanted to do to day was think some warm thoughts. So to the dismay of This Guy, I found some more photos from Hawaii!
If you clicked on the Hawaii link above, and if you didn't WTF is your problem, you would have missed my lament of not sharing a shirtless photo from Hawaii. Thanks to the cold, it's your lucky day.

[Insert sweater joke here]

That was pretty fantastic. I am not a huge beach guy, but that beach was fantastic. Everywhere I go around NJ, people are enamored with the Jersey shore. This beach, whose name I have forgotten, was so much better than anything I have ever experienced anywhere on the East Coast. The beauty and serenity due to the lack of Jersey Guidos can not be fully comprehended unless you have been to Seaside Heights in the summer. Let's just say, this was a lot better and right now I want to return there and get out of this frigid cold.

Oh, I miss you Hawaii...

Warrior Dash

2011-01-17T14:28:00.000-05:00

Remember when it was warmer and neither the Snowpocalypse nor the Snowmageddon has hit the northeast? Before New Yorkers couldn't stop bitching about how their streets were not plowed? Before I had to shovel out two feet of snow to park the PoMiFoS mobile?

Remember when it was warm enough to wait for a beer while covered in mud?

That's yours truly covered in mud post Warrior Dash in Quarryville, PA. I am covered in a few pounds of mud, holding a post-race banana in one hand, and a free beer ticket in the other. Read into it what you will, I just wanted my free beer.

The day started off a lot cleaner than it ended. See at the beginning of the Dash I was totally mud-free.

Look at me go!

I have no idea what the girl with the pink wig was going for.

She was not the only one in costume, though.

The Official Mom of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff snapped this photo.

Thanks, Mom.

Nothing like a few more homoerotic references to really jazz up my blog.

Thankfully, she got these guys, too. They're at least cool-looking.

So why what exactly was the Warrior Dash? It was a 3.15 mile, approximately 5K, race over obstacles through woods and obviously through some mud. The obstacles included climbing a rope, some big piles of sand, a cargo net, a balance beam, logs floating in disturbingly scum-free portion of a scummy pond, mud covered-hills, and the natural detritus found on a trail in rural Pennsylvania. Those muddy hills were a bitch. The piece de resistance were the Muddy Mayhem and the Fiery Finish. If you were unaware the Warrior Dash was happening in Quarryville (aka you are Amish) you might have wondered why all the muddy English were walking along the road.

This is normally where I would insert video of the Simpsons erecting a barn when they meant to erect an above-ground pool. However, Fox, who was at least partially responsible for the NLCS and NFL not being on my TV for a few weeks, does not want to share the Simpsons either. You suck, Fox.

Since Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is negotiating with Cablevision, here's a photo of muddy people walking up the road.

Another reason Rupert Murdoch is a giant tool bag.

The current freezing temperature makes me yearn for the wonderful warm weather of the Midatlantic Warrior Dash. Prior to waiting in line for the beer, I managed to negotiate the course and finished by jumping over the burning logs just prior to the finish line.

Look at that athleticism!

Look at that mud-covered (chocolate?) man-candy!

I hope it gets warm again soon!

What's happening in 2011?

2011-01-09T22:58:00.000-05:00

A New Year is upon us and has been upon for damn near 10 days now. I'm sure PoMiFoS readers, all 3 of you, have been chomping at the bit as to what's been going on in the Official Universe of PoMiFoS. Well, it's 2011 here too and it's about time I extract my head from my ass and share. Isn't what a whole blogs about? Creating a little universe that revolves around you and occasionally amuses your friends and/or people searching for pics of vaginas?

So here's 11 things I'm going to accomplish in 2011:
1. Run 1000 miles. Is that what PoMiFoS is all about? No, if you've seen the posts regarding me running you would know I'm not real good at it. Still, if I can average about 2.76 miles per day.

It's not quite the moon, but it's a start.
2. At least 53 posts this year. That's more than one per week. Look out for Sundays especially now that the Eagles went and lost to the stupid Packers.

3. Visit those last 9 states. I have until Thanksgiving. Better start cracking on figuring what to do in NE and KS.
4. Figure out what's after the 50 states. MLB baseball stadiums? Continents? US Territories? Europe? Wife and kids? What's Next?
5. Nanowrimo - It's nothing new to everyone else, but in November it will be new to me. Why not crank out 50,00 words in a month?
6. Read 13 books - I'm not sure if that is a lot. On Writing by Stephen King says to be a better writer you need to be an avid reader. Avid to me is a little but more than one book per month. I won't try and tackle War and Peace in a month. That is partially because I already listened to the audio book and I have no urge to actually try and read that monster and partially because that is far too much to expect to read in a month.
7. Write Everyday - Dear PoMiFoS reader, you will not be subjected to all of it. Some of it may end up on Twitter and I feel a fair portion will end up on here, but some may just end up in my log. It's not a diary, it's a log damnit. No, I'm not a hipster because I have a moleskin dia....log. I'm going to do some writing.
8. Take at least 1 photo per week - I got a fancy new camera, a new lens, and a phone with a camera attached. I'm going to take some damn photos. I think I read something about that on how to be interesting. I have no idea who Russell Davies is but he must be interesting.
9. Stop yelling at the TV for sports - ESPN and its excessive self-importance is really sucking the fun out of sports for me. Remember when high school football was not on national television? Do we really need Merrill Hoge and his 15 button suits and oversized tie knot? Remember when 9/11 happened and we realized that sports is not war and nowhere near as important as life and death? I think in the ten years that have passed we forgot some of those lessons. Sports used to be fun, I am not sure they are anymore and I want them to be fun not something to be angry about. However, my bathroom will continue to be adorned with Eagles paraphenalia. I have no interest in looking for a new shower curtain or rugs.
10. Try one new recipe per month - I gotta eat.
11. Think up the eleventh thing to put on this list - I thought 11 in 2011 had a nice ring to it. I clearly ran out of steam after 9. I'm open to suggestions!

Tell me how my Christmas tastes

2010-12-27T15:38:00.000-05:00

I love this headline and I wanted to be able to use it somehow.
My Christmas tasted like a sausage stuffed inside a bird which was stuffed inside a bird that stuffed inside a bird.

Behold Turducken!

I was expecting something more like what John Madden gave to the Detroit Lions back in the 1800s when they won their traditional Thanksgiving football game. Something with an extraordinary number of legs for a bird minus the large men in pads surrounding it.

How did I manage to find a picture of victorious Detroit Lions without Barry Sanders?! Have they won a game since he retired? He was a huge part of my childhood! Playing with HB #20 in Madden 1993 was the zenith of my video game skills since I never got to play with this guy.

My lack of gaming skills aside, the Official Mom of PoMiFoS had declared she would make something exciting for Christmas dinner partially due to her lack of cooking at Thanksgiving. To my dismay her initial choice was a ham.... Fortunately, we spent much of the evening of Black Friday watching the Travel Channel or Food Network (don't they have mostly the same programming?) and saw multiple discussions regarding the greatness of a Turducken. So Christmas evening after the presents had been unwrapped and the initial excitement of the Wii had faded, we all sat down to enjoy the Turducken!

It was Turd-licious!

On second thought, it was really tasty. Turd-licious sounds pretty gross.

Happy Festivus

2010-12-26T22:16:00.000-05:00

This is a few days late, but I was too drunk and/or tired on the night of Festivus. Whatever, I do what I want!
Airing of the Grievances

Ryan Howard - way to ruin my night in Louisville, KY. How do you not swing at that pitch? GFY
Joe Buck - You ruin not one, but two seasons for me. Can you somehow lose the ability to speak on television? The best thing about the Fox-Cablevision spat was being able to avoid you!
The Jersey Shore Cast - You are proof that all you need to succeed is the willingness to be a douche bag on TV. Thanks for making America dumber.
This Guy - You're tall, you're good-looking, you have a wonderful fiance'....Asshole!
Bartner- See This Guy replace wonderful fiance with girlfriend.
Justi Gayes - See This Guy, replace tall with smart and replace fiance with wife.
Fat chicks with pretty faces on Match.com - you're the reasons I no longer trust head shots. Fuck you and your FGAS.
The chick in the Green Turtle who told me to 'Move along, Loser!' - Eat a dick, I have a graduate degree, a good job, and a membership to Costco. Mom says I'm a catch.
Tom Brady - long hair and Uggs are for your wife. You know why Johnny Unitas was awesome? Because he never did the lame shit you do. You may have won more Super Bowls but he was never on TMZ. Get a fucking hair cut, lace up some black high tops, and quit being a bitch.
Michael Vick - I really should hate you because aside from playing football well, I have no proof you have redeemed yourself. After what you and Desean Jackson did to the Giants...
People who hate Michael Vick - Attention Animal Lovers, please look up the names Donte Stallworth, Leonard Little, Ray Lewis, and Ben Rothlisberger and remember that you're a human. There are lots of humans who are without a warm bed or food tonight. Save your own species first.
People who invent retarded abbreviations like convo - I despise the word convo. There is a 2nd O in that word but not here you just went ahead and put it. I also hate the words/abbreviations chat and obvi. No, I don't want to have a convo or chat with you. It's obvi I think you're a dumbass for including those in any convo we have. The unnecessary shortening of words drives me up a wall. America can only continue to get dumber as we rely on text messages and spell check to shorten and correct our mistakes.

On my way to TBOX

2010-12-10T22:45:00.001-05:00

I have not posted anything not mustache related in far too long. Movember is over and the last of my facial hair is completely gone. That is definitely for the best. Justin Gayes turns 30 and the band is getting together to celebrate. Now's a chance to give PoMiFoS readers what they really want... No, not a search result for the.word vagina. Poorly recounted tales of my travels around the USA. My drinking shoes are all laced up and ready to go. Now I'm just playing the waiting game at the Newark Airport. Google TBOX to see just how we're celebrating tomorrow.

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Happy Birthday to Me

2010-11-24T18:57:00.001-05:00

Who loves you, Kyle? Clearly the Official Mom of POMIFOS does!! Check out that ice cream cake she got me. That plus the smartphone she got me and on which this is being published and also maybe the 29 years of love and support she sounds pretty great!
Happy Birthday, Me!

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Look who has a new smartphone!!!

2010-11-21T17:17:00.001-05:00

There is me and my new Droid! Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has entered the 21st century! Thanks to the Official Mom of POMIFOS all 3 of my readers can now enjoy real time blogging! That means even less thought and proofreading in every post! Happy birthday to me!

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Movember 2010

2010-11-07T21:01:00.000-05:00

First there was the playoff beard!

Then there was the sane goatee!

Now there is the Movember Moustache!

That's right, ladies, check out that lip hair!

In case you missed last year's incarnation, you should read up on Cleo Possum. Since Prostate and Testicular Cancer isn't going away any time soon, I imagine I'll be growing a mustache. When you look this good with a mustache how could I not continue to grow them?

I actually sent this picture via text to some friends with the caption 'Does this mustache make me look creepy? Remember to donate to Movember!' to see what the response was and with the hopes of drumming up some donations. Below are the responses:

'Wow, is all I can say'

'Wow...Wow...'

'Yes, yes, it does!'

'I don't even know who you are right now!' which was followed up after some discussion with 'The hair/stache = pervert combo'

'No What do the chicks say?' - The Official Favorite Uncle of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff

'Wow, do you have candy in your van and I have to crawl through the back seat towards the front to get to it?' - Justin Gayes

'No, not at all. In fact you should make that your match.com profile picture.'

'Not Creepy...Maybe it should be a little fuller.' - The Official Mom of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff - Thanks, Mom!

I'm not sure which is my favorite but the one from Uncle strikes me as funnier every time I read it.

Regardless of how you felt, remember that prostate and testicular cancer have touched all of our lives and with your help we can Protect the Junk!

The Rally to Restore Sanity - The National Mall - Washington, D.C.

2010-11-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

I wish I could say Fear the Beard and not hate myself on the inside for baseball related reasons.

Instead fear the goatee! I think it's to blame for the increased level of foul language that may have exited my mouth Saturday afternoon and possibly the need to drink an excessive amount of scotch Saturday night. That goatee don't take shit from no one.

It may even be able to do a Triple Lindy if not for the 230 lbs of dude attached to it. Triple Lindy's and goatees aside, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff ventured down to the National Mall in Washington, D.C. for the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.
Leading up to the event, no one knew what it was about. Don't look for a recap here. It was hard to define just what the point of the rally was before going there and experiencing it. Some journalists went as far as to predict it could be this generation's Woodstock or some grand defining moment. Would it be just a series of insults to the major media outlets especially Fox News but without ignoring CNN, MSNBC, and the others of their ilk? It's hard to define an event whose basic message seemed to be moderation. John Stewart is obviously a proponent of the left and Stephen Colbert is a clear parody of the right, was the intention to be 3 hours of comedy for them to poke fun at the Tea Party, the GOP and the rest of the far right.
In a brief sober moment on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, our generation's defining moment happened on a sunny Tuesday in September 10 years ago. In this age of limited attention spans, there will never be a person who will forget just what they saw that day. Some rally held by a cable network's fake news anchors/pundits is never going to change that. No matter how many clever signs the participants produced.

This is among my favorites.

This one is also among my favorites. Thank you, South Park.

On a related note holding up a sign comparing anyone but Hitler to Hitler is not only a slap in the face to the people who suffered through the atrocities committed by Hitler, a slap into the face of the brave people who fought and lost their lives stopping Hitler, but it also makes all of us look fucking stupid.

So what was the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear? It was about showing that the majority of Americans are not the nut jobs on either extreme. The extremes make for good news. The extremes on both sides are also what make us Americans look like a bunch of assholes. John Stewart called the 80 % of us not on either extreme a silent majority. Are we? I don't know. The initial impression I most often give people based mostly on where I came from, I usually get confused for being conservative. With my more conservative friends, I'm the closest thing some of them will ever see to a liberal. I do not want to fit into either of those boxes. And that's what the 80 % is. Nobody fits completely into either of those boxes.

Did the rally accomplish anything?

I don't know. We did the wave.

A co-ed wave...

..and women only wave...

...and a men only wave.

So what was this other than a chance to do the wave with 150,000 of my closest friends? No idea. Hopefully, it will be a chance for the majority to actually gain a voice. Then again, a calm soothing voice doesn't sell ads. At the very least, it was a nice day and a good time.

2010 Playoff Beard Watch - Beard-pocalypse

2010-10-25T10:16:00.000-04:00

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Philly — Ryan Howard watched the last strike fly by him in the bottom of the 9th inning of Game 6 of the NLCS.

And that's the last playoff beard update you'll see in 2010. Despite Roy Halladay outpitching Tim Lincecum in Game 5, the Phillies season ends in disappointment. I watched the game in Louisville, KY with some Phillies Phans who just happened to wander into the same sports bar (Champions) as me. A number of large glasses of the Bluegrass Brewing Company Brown Ale helped to dull the pain, but I know when I get back to Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor, the beard, at least most of it, will be gone. I was hoping to parlay the abundance of facial hair into another Halloween costume.

I was thinking something along these lines.

Thanks for the image.

Alas, my beard was never meant to last that long. Just like the Cubs always say, we'll get em' next year!

Playoff Beard Watch 2010 - NLCS

2010-10-19T07:44:00.000-04:00

NLCS Game 1 Saturday Night: Cody Ross (Ssor ydoC backwards) pounds two of Roy Halladay's pitches into the LF seats at CBP. Pat Burrell adds a two run double and Tim Lincecum only gives up three runs.

Sad Beard Face.

NLCS Game 2 Sunday Night: Roy Oswalt (anyone else find it bizarre that Chase Utley is in Roy Oswalt's Wikipedia picture?) gives up another homerun 5th inning...to Ross...to left field...on what may have been the exact same pitch on which Halladay gave up a tater. However, in the 7th inning this Roy led off an inning with a hit, ran through a stop-sign thrown up by Sam Perlozzo for an insurance run and the Phils cruised the rest of the way to a 6-1 victory.

Happy Beard Face!

Unfortunately, both images are merely dramatizations of what the Beardface could have looked like at Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor. Thanks to Fox and Cablevision's little spat the NFL and NLCS are not appearing in large portions of the tri-state area which forced me off of my comfy couch and onto a barstool. I sent the Official Favorite Uncle of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff the following text message: I had to go to a bar to watch the game. Guess I'll have to drink some beer. Luckily, the Bartner was available for some sports watching and beer drinking during Game 1. We were at Big Shots on Saturday night. The well-endowed, lasciviously dressed waitresses and bartenders were a bonus, but of three times I've gone to watch the Phillies in the playoffs there they've lost twice. You're on your last chance Big Shots!. I flew solo to the only Damon's in New Jersey on Sunday night. While lacking the T and A, the Phils are undefeated in two visits to the bar for playoff games. You're ahead by a nose, Damon's. So even though Fox and Cablevision tried to deprive me, the playoff beard, and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff of the NLCS Playoff Beard Watch 2010 Continues!

GO PHILS!

Playoff Beard Watch 2010 - NLDS

2010-10-11T21:59:00.000-04:00

Maybe this is a little bit of overkill...

Victor Tres Heroes from Zoo With Roy on Vimeo.

Maybe this beard is a little bit of overkill...

Clearly, no on both counts. That Phillies shirt was worn on the First Day of Doctober.

Think it's been washed since then?

Well...maybe that is a little bit of overkill...or maybe the Braves/Giants don't get any hits in the NLCS.

No pressure, Oswalt.

With that beard and that shirt, how can the ladies keep their hands off of me?! I'll admit I trimmed up my neck following Cole stomped on the faces of the Reds' playoff chances.

Seriously, read ZWR!

The beard as a whole remains intact and hopefully all of its magical powers. It was actually a crucial part of my attire for the Warrior Dash this past weekend. Don't worry, you'll hear about that one soon enough and maybe even see pictures I did not steal from a sports blog.

Voodoo Doughnut - Portland, Oregon

2010-10-05T05:22:00.000-04:00

Portland, Oregon is an interesting place.

Portland is the whitest big city in the United States, being over 70 % white according to the most recent census. Portland was almost named Boston. Thankfully, the name Portland won on a coin-flip and the West Coast avoided having a second Red Sox franchise and a second set of obnoxious fans who can't say their r's.

They also love their PBR in Portland.

Damn, hipsters.

Finally, Portland is split by the Willamette River with Downtown Portland existing only on the west side of the river. Not far from the river on 3rd Ave SW is Voodoo Doughnut.

The bakery is famous, at least to me, from appearing on multiple Travel Channel shows including Man vs Food and College Gameday on their trip to Eugene, OR. On College Gameday, Kirk Herbstreit had a Stanford doughnut, an Oregon doughnut, and a Maple Bacon Bar. Another reason College Gameday is one of my favorite shows. Also, their commercials are hilarious! Voodoo Doughnut is known most for the unique toppings used on said doughnuts. There are multiple locations, but Pics of Me in Front of Stuff does not visit spin-offs. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff goes to the original. Sadly, in addition to photographer and sole contributer I am also the driver and finding your way around Downtown Portland is not a completely simple proposition. I probably drove by the tiny hole-in-the-wall bakery 3 or 4 times before I saw the line and the sign for my destination.

When I finally got to park, waited in the long line, and managed to get into the tiny hole in the wall bakery I was shocked at the sheer number of combinations of doughnuts and doughnut toppings. Check out their menu online. I managed to wade through the huge number of choices because I knew what I wanted before I got there.

The Maple Bacon Bar!

Aside from being the food of the Gods the Maple Bacon Bar is more or less a glazed doughnut with maple flavored icing and bacon on top. It really is just like someone put their pancake breakfast in doughnut form. The combination of the sweet from the icing and doughnut with the salty and savory from the bacon was supreme. I'd like to get another while I am writing this from Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor in New Jersey. I doubt they deliver that far. I recommend you go get one as soon as you travel to Portland again.

They're delicious.

Playoff Beard Watch 2010

2010-10-04T06:39:00.000-04:00

'It's the only way to live' - Charlie Manuel on being in first place
The Phillies clinched the NL East last Monday night in Washington. Roy Halladay threw a shutout then got champagne dumped all over him by his teammates. Then things got really crazy...at least from a grammatical standpoint.

Thanks to ZWR (and wherever they got it) for the video.
Winning the NL East has become a regular fall event for the Phillies and their fans. As one of those fans, it's time to start Beard Watch 2010, another regular autumnal event. I last shaved the day before the Phillies clinched for reasons that may be discussed later. Regardless of why I shaved, the important point is that I have not shaved since. The Phillies have spent the past week preparing for the postseason and so have I. Now the season is over and the big excitement begins on Wednesday.

That is one bearded piece of man-meat.

GO PHILS!

You have to be kidding me

2010-10-03T09:10:00.000-04:00

I will never lie and claim to be above watching trashy TV. I actually was present for a filming of the Jerry Springer show in Chicago. I used to love watching the Real World/Road Rules Challenge for the sheer pageantry of stupidity that people who want to be famous put on. Shit, I write a blog about my traveling 'exploits'. Do I have room to be critical? I loved watching the first season of The Jersey Shore. The sheer ridiculousness of the Guidos or Bennies or Shoeys on that show simply made the first season irresistible. However, stupidity can only hold my attention for so long and I can't claim to have seen a single episode of the 2nd season.
And then Snooki got a book deal.

I have to give credit where credit is due for finding this image. Thanks to The Daily Wh.at, The Official Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Source for memes.
You know what Snooki's book deal made me want to do...

And then it gave me hope. If someone as dumb as she appears to be can get a book deal almost anyone can. I know most of you, Dear Readers, all 5 of you do read books and probably would buy a copy of my book. Then again, the majority of my readers would probably expect them for free as Christmas gifts. There's at least 3 guaranteed sales there, unfortunately they would all be to me! Regardless, there's hope for my memoirs!

Phillies Photo Day - Citizens Bank Park

2010-09-30T23:02:00.010-04:00

Holy Crap! It's a post on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff!
Holy Crap, I'm not dead!
No, the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. If there were such rumors.
The Vagina Hunters are still blowing up Pics of Me in Front of Stuff even without new content or content without a huge number of typos like the post about my trip to Iowa. It's interesting my keyboard stopped working following that trip. Some like to say it may have been due to an excessive amount of 'adult' material but I worry it may have committed suicide due to it being implicated in the murder of the English language. It's likely we'll never know for sure.

Back to exclamations:
Holy crap, I got to stand on the warning track at Citizen's Bank Park!

Holy crap, I'm wearing mandals! Apparently, it's a fashion faux pas for men to expose their toes in public. I'll never claim to have attractive feet. They're slightly hobbitish just larger and with slightly less hair but I have just as much right as anyone to let my toes get some fresh air. There are bigger prolems out there like muffin tops and Justin Bieber's hair cut. Go handle those, fashion police, before accosting me for my choice of footwear. To all you mandal haters, I say eat a dick.

And more importantly, Holy Crap, I've never stood so close to the Philadelphia Phillies before.

I was not as close as that guy was to Roy Halladay's lovely smile.
I was probably close enough that my man-crush on Cole Hamels could have come to fruition.

No, it would have not been whatever Strictly a platonic man-hug ala J.D. and Turk in Scrubs.

There probably wouldn't be any German subtitles.
Also it certainly would not be a full on homoerotic tummy-stick-esque hug like Apollo Creed and Rocky. There's a pretty clear difference. But Cole Hamels was not the only hot thing on the field either, Chase Utley was there, too.

Ooops, I mean it was really hot and humid in Philadelphia that day. You can see my blue Chase Utley Jersey appears to be changing color below.

Yes, ladies, that's sweat. I did not realize at the time, but I actually had mononucleosis that day. I am pretty glad I made it off the field that day. Between the heat, humidity, and being sick I could have not only stood on the baseball field but also collapsed there, too! Fortunately, I was smart enough not to share anyone's beer and also to refrain from the usual stupidity that runs rampant during my trips to see the Official Favorite Baseball Team of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff.

I did not drink any of the giant beer, I just sat next to it.

That may be hard to believe, but it's totally true!

Iowa State Fair

2010-08-16T18:48:00.000-04:00

I have probably been to many more interesting places than Iowa lately, but Iowa's fresh on my mind. Since I am sitting in Chicago at about 4:30 local time waiting for my 9:30 flight to Newark I figured I could enthrall my readers and Vagina Hunters alike with a recount of my second day in Iowa at the Iowa State Fair.
You should also know there ain't no party like an Iowa party because an Iowa party don't stop.

When Ton Loc and Vanilla and the Legends of Hip Hop and whoever took this video, which was from a vantage point much closer than I was standing, how could the party stop? But Vanilla Ice was at the end of the night, let's go back to 10 AM Central Time when I and the Official Mom and Stepfather of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff showed up at the Iowa State Fair.

In my previous experience with fairs, I had basically eaten everything in sight. I was like a fried food Pacman as my posse wandered through the narrow aisles of the fair and at enough fried food to shorten the Official Lifespan of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff by a few months. This trip to the fair was with a different goal - observe Iowans and report... So maybe observe and report is a bit of an exaggeration. All I really needed to do in Iowa was spend the night and it would become State No. 39. So what I really did can be described as look around, eat food on a stick, and report.
You may not know this and I did not until I read an Iowa Visitor's Guide, but the Iowa State Fair offers 50 foods on a stick. Unfortunately, I read the Visitor's Guide after visiting the Iowa State Fair and ended up with only 3 foods on a stick:

A corn dog.

Please insert phallic jokes below.

Chicken on a stick

I shared that one with the Official Mom of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff.

And last but certainly not least, a deep-fried Twinkie.

I tried to get a photo of me eating one, but the excess cholesterol kept gumming up the auto-focus on my camera.

I'd be remiss if I left out the pork chop sandwich, even if it was not on a stick.

Days at at a fair make me glad that I am not a vegetarian.

Vegetarians would like the Iowa State Fair, too. There are lots of animals in pens which suddenly makes them a million times cuter. I have seen hundreds of sheep and horses and cows and bulls and other livestock in my 28+ years and I drive by most of them without giving them a second thought. Sometimes I get pissed at them, like the roosters near the Official Childhood Home of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff that crowed at sunrise or the cows or sheep that sometimes crossed the at inopportune times. If you suddenly put those animals in pens or cages that you can walk by and possibly give them a coat, they become a million times more interesting and/or cuter. Look at these miniature horses dressed up like Lucha Libre wrestlers.

Aren't they suddenly impossible to resist?

Aside from the impossibly cute, there was also the freaks of nature. Whether anyone wants to admit it, almost everyone stares at accidents when they drive by and almost everyone loves a freak show. The Iowa State Fair did not feature a real freak show like that at the Mutter Museum or one P.T. Barnum may have ran it did like to feature big things. Big things like:

Super Bull

Super Bull sounds very similar to Super Bowl which confused me briefly since I have a strong suspicion that Des Moines, Iowa will never get the opportunity to host one. Des Moines did get to host a 3000 lb bull.

The Big Boar

He looks a little testy, doesn't he?
Finally, there was the Great Punpkin, Charlie Brown.

But seriously, those are some big testicles aren't they?
And the boar has some big ones, too!

Really, testicles and B-List rappers aside, the Iowa State Fair is also fair is famous for one thing in particular. In a state known for agriculture, especially corn and beef, the most famous feature of the Iowa State Fair is the Butter Cow.

I am not sure what it means for a cow to be made out of a dairy product. Maybe there is some kind of juxtaposition or paradox that some more eloquent writer to expound on. Maybe a ground beef cow would not have gone over as well. Butter sculpting is a traditional art form performed by Tibetan monks and Iowa artisans. The monks did this as a form of worship. The Iowa artisans...well, they eat way too many cows to claim they worship cows so let's call it tradition. But there was a long line of reverent fair-goers that walked by the butter cow...so maybe worship is the appropriate word. Cow worship or not, I am just about of steam writing this post. The Iowa State Fair was fun and I was glad to cross State No. 39 off the list. Eventually, I'll mention the 4 or 5 states I've left out.

Winterset, Iowa - State No. 39

2010-08-16T12:25:00.000-04:00

Howdy, Pilgrim.

Seriously, can you get more bad-ass than R. Lee Ermey and John Wayne in one commercial? Even if it is for Coors Light. I say no.
But I digress.
Did you know The Duke was born in Winterset, Iowa?
Until Saturday, neither did I. Then I went to Iowa.

They even have a statue of him in the middle of town.

It's interesting to note that Winterset is in Madison County of Iowa which is more well known for its covered bridges. Like the one below in Winterset City Park.

If you did not already know, Clint Eastwood starred in the movie adaptation of the Bridges of Madison County. It's unlikely that I'll ever be putting said movie on my Blockebuster queue, it's interesting they never appeared in a movie together but Clint made a chick flick near the Duke's birthplace.

Me vs Albert Haynesworth

2010-08-08T16:27:00.000-04:00

Dear Readers and Vagina Hunters, the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Between returning from vacation, getting sick, work and my softball team's improbable run through the playoffs my time to inspire others via Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has been limited. I'll eventually fill in some more details about the Spring and Summer of 2010. My ability to exercise has also been limited. However, when I heard Albert Haynesworth, a man who makes millions of dollars to be an athlete, could not run 300 yards in 70s I wanted to join the multitude of others that have tried and succeeded. Haynesworth is about the same age as me just 7 inches taller and 130 lbs heavier than me. Albert's carrying what usually amounts to me carrying a girl friend more than me. I should be able to beat him. I saw Mike Golic did it, why can't I?

The test is pretty simple. Perform six 25-yard shuttle runs (25 yards and back aka 50 yards) in 70 seconds or less. Take a three minute and 30 second break and repeat in 73 seconds or less.
I tried this morning.
I failed this morning.
Set 1 = 76 s
Set 2 = 79 s
I can think of a multitude of excuses but I am not going to use a single one. Now I am bound and determined to be able to run as fast as 300+ lb freak of nature and maybe the Redskins will give me a multimillion dollar contract.
I played college football.
Give me a call, Mr. Snyder.

The Night Before Opening Day - Washington, DC

2010-07-21T22:02:00.000-04:00

Who is that big blue blur?

That's yours truly making magic happen at the Wendy's drive-thru late the night before the Roy Halladay Era started in Philadelphia. The secret is to just knock on the window until you annoy the employees enough that they just open the window.

Yes, that was some delicious fast food.

Why the sudden change in track? Where's the beautiful scenery of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's trip out West? It's because the Phillies suck right now and I wanted to be reminded of when they were the Team to Beat in the National League. Right now they're the team to Get Beat in the National League.
Back to the story at hand, any Easter night that starts with MC Hammer-tinies has to be a good time.

Where do you go for MC Hammer-tinis in Georgetown on an Easter Sunday? Why, Mr. Smith's of course. What's actually in one? Hammer vodka and some other stuff to make it fruity and fru-fru. Naturally, a perfect drink for me. If you were a member of the Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Entourage you would also get to drink 40 plus beers plus a shot or two in deference to Donovan McNabb being traded to the Redskins earlier that day. You may also end up with a bow earring in your ear. Isn't that a nice look for Fensty?

And that was way before beer 40 or shot one.

Helping us blow more money was the fact that Mr. Smith's becomes a piano bar at night and due to the few customers present we ended up sitting directly at the piano. Thanks to the stylings of Mr. Spencer Bates, his eclectic play list, and Fensty's and This Guy's need to buy him shots I am sure we spent at least an extra $100.

But, how could you resist a face like this?

Also, he played Automobile.

Sadly, Mr. Smith's eventually had to close though we did keep it open an extra hour due to our willingness to spend money. Eventually we got to the Wendy's where the magic happened. Eventually, we got back to the hotel. Eventually, Fensty dry-humped T-Rev.

There was a baseball game the next day, too. I'll get to that eventually.

Progress on 50 in 30.

2010-07-19T19:09:00.000-04:00

The map, she's getting full.

visited 38 states (76%)
Create your own visited map of The United States
The hour glass is getting empty. There's only about a year and a half left and that big middle part of the country is pretty empty. Now that I'm back in New Jersey look for more exciting updates from Pics of Me in Front of Stuff!

On the Road Again - Moab to Salt Lake City to Montpelier, ID

2010-07-16T10:08:00.000-04:00

I bet you were expecting a post yesterday and were disappointed not to find one. I apologize the 103 degree weather in Moab kicked my ass more than I thought and I was exhausted last night.
Here's another reason why:

Now I am in Montpelier, ID outside Bear Lake. Bear Lake is gorgeous but I was too exhausted yesterday to consider stopping and taking a picture. Use your mind's eye and imagine a big, beautiful lake surrounded by mountains at sunset. That was Bear Lake yesterday.
Now it's off to the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone!

Arches National Park - Moab, UT

2010-07-15T00:16:00.000-04:00

There are over 100 pics from my trip today. It was over 100 degrees and I am exhausted so there is no way in hell that I am going through all those pictures. So I'll just include the one everyone wants to see...well, everyone except the vagina hunters...a picture of me in front of stuff.

That's me at Delicate Arch in the park. Hiking up to that thing is one reason I am so fatigued today. I am sure I'll share some more photos soon. Tomorrow it is back north for more driving and adventure!

This water is making me thirsty - The Great Salt Lake - Utah

2010-07-14T00:43:00.000-04:00

Was there any chance I was going to not visit The Great Salt Lake while I was in Salt Lake City?

You're right, there wasn't.

Here's the proof I was there.

That was the best I could do with the self-timer.

Those rocks are clearly from Antelope Island in the Great Salt Lake. Now I'm in Moab, but with no photos yet. However, that will change quickly tomorrow morning.

My Morning with the Mormons - Temple Plaza - Salt Lake City, UT

2010-07-13T12:17:00.000-04:00

I will not pretend to know anything about the Church of the Latter Day Saints or Mormons or whatever they prefer to be called. Most of my knowledge regarding the church can be summed up in the South Park episode that spent 30 minutes ripping (quite hilariously) how the Mormon church started.

While I do not agree with the Mormons on many things, now that I found myself in Salt Lake City I felt the need to check out the center of their universe. I am not Catholic and I would go see the Vatican, why not go see the Temple Plaza?
I visited early this morning.
Since I am trying to squeeze this in before I head on the road again, this will be brief. The buildings in the plaza are quite impressive.

The plaza was beautiful.

Whether it was the fountains and monuments to their founders...

...or their churches...

....or their tabernacle, which is behind those trees,...

...or their private temple...

...the Mormons know how to build some pretty buildings!

Now it's off to Moab.

Sawtooth Scenic Byway - Boise to Salt LakeCity - Life on the road

2010-07-13T00:40:00.000-04:00

Holy crap I drove a lot today!

View Larger Map
I
put 550 miles on the Official Boise to Bozeman Rental Car of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff from beginning to end over approximately 13 hours. Sounds like an awesome vacation, huh? Your judgment aside, Dear Reader, I am exhausted and here's a quick look at the day that was for Pics of Me in Front of Stuff.

First, here's me in front of stuff because if I never include one, it's just a snappy name. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is a way of life. Here I am outside Boise on the way to Stanley, ID.

Here's Red Fish Lake outside Stanley, ID.

Finally, a picture of the resting place of Ernest Hemingway outside Ketchum, ID.

Ernest Hemingway would probably have loved Pics of Me in Front of Stuff...because he would have been drunk when reading this and drunks think everything's funnier.

Smurf Turf - Boise State University Bronco Stadium - Boise, Idaho - Dispatch from the road

2010-07-12T01:19:00.000-04:00

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is currently on the road working on 50 states in 30 years. The trip started in Oregon (#34) and has moved onto Idaho (#35). Here's a brief post from a brief visit to Boise, Idaho.

Everyone knows the Boise State University plays football on blue turf

Or everyone should know that.

All five regular readers of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff probably knew that already. For all the freaks who end up here because they were searching for the word vagina...if you don't know, now you know.

While in Boise, with only a limited amount of time and what appears to be a limited amount of interesting things to go see, I swung by the Boise State Campus from the Grove Hotel to see this unique turf.

In front of the stadium, it appeared athletes were pushing around a white pick-up truck getting ready for the upcoming season. In the back of the stadium, Pics of Me in Front of was trying to get a photo through a chain link fence that showed off the blue turf.

It's hard to see, but it's there. I saw the smurf turf!

Happy Birthday, USA!

2010-07-05T16:44:00.000-04:00

Everybody likes fireworks, right?

You better love America, too.

Interesting Pics of Me in Front of Stuff related Independence Day Fact - The Fourth of July is the Official Holiday That Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Hates to Be Single/Alone. It's true. Way more than Valentine's Day, being single on Fourth of July with the fireworks is just a bummer. Thank goodness the Official Favorite Uncle of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff invited Pics of Me in Front of Stuff over for a cookout.

Thanks, Uncle Ted!

Happy Fourth of July!!!

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff wishes it had gone to the World Cup

2010-07-03T21:25:00.003-04:00

Who does not wish they got to visit South Africa for the past month to watch the biggest sporting event in the world?

Aside from tools like this guy....

I don't know.

(On a side note, please don't confuse this guy, Glenn Beck, with the lovable and often drunken Pics of Me in Front Stuff character, This Guy. They are completely unrelated and on complete opposite ends of the douche bag scale.)

One of the drivers behind this post is that CP, the former Official Girlfriend of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, currently has a friend living in South Africa...whom she refuses to visit... That never played a role in the dissolution of the relationship it may have been a sticking point had our relationship lasted past the winter. While Pics of Me in Front of Stuff will never consider himself a home for soccer hooliganism, this past month of watching the splendor of international soccer has been fun. And it's soccer at Pics of Me in Front of stuff; none of this football crap. There are two reasons why. First, the English, who reportedly invented the game but only won the tournament once, first called it soccer in the 1800s. Second, this is an American blog and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff admits to nothing less than jingoism. Watching the US Men's National Team, which needs a nickname, hustle and claw their way into the knockout round was fantastic. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is a huge underdog fan and combining that with rampant patriotism and the TV was glued to the England and Ghana games (the only weekend games) in Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor. Sadly, the magic ended against Ghana.

Now for three fun Pics of Me in Front of Stuff World Cup Fun Facts:

1. Lots of sports pundits considered the US was in an easy portion of the bracket. These are the best soccer teams in the world from country's obsessed with soccer. Soccer is the fourth most popular sport in the US. Would any bracket not including a team of legless players be easy for the US? Regardless, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff had moments of guilt cheering against Ghana and would have had more issues as the US advanced. The Official top five favorite teams of Me in Front of Stuff are:

A. USA - Common sense. Winner by a long shot.

B. Ghana - How do you cheer against poor Africans?

C. Uruguay - Pics of Me in Front of Stuff heard their national anthem and immediately fell in love with it...in a strictly platonic and pro-American way. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff does not condone the hate of the 'Orientals' but based on their anthem the Uruguayans do not mess around.

D. Paraguay - Have you seen Cell Phone Girl? We should all be a little sad Paraguay got eliminated.

E. Germany - Just like in March Madness, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff likes to pick a team with a real chance of winning to, hopefully, make the final more interesting. Germany is like a Big East team in this regard. Besides, it looks like Die Mannschaft are due.

The US would have had to play teams B,C, and E to reach the final.

2. Soccer is so much more exciting on the radio. Listening to the US-Algeria game on the radio at work may have been one of the more exciting non-Philadelphia related sports moments in the history of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. While not quite Phillies playoffs exciting, it was up there.

3. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is going to miss the World Cup partially because of the soccer action but also partially because of the Wags. Growing up in Central PA and playing football, making fun of soccer players and questioning their sexuality was almost mandatory. Considering the women international soccer players bed it was foolish. Take a look at Peter Crouch and consider how exactly he does it.

If only Pics of Me in Front of Stuff had played soccer...and had any athleticism...

New Orleans Voodoo Museum

2010-06-17T20:52:00.001-04:00

There are not many non-Philadelphia related sporting events that make it onto Pics of Me in Front of Stuff but the fact that Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was in New Orleans on December 6, 2009 as the Saints visited Redskins makes this moment worthy of such an 'honor'

Sorry about your luck, Kareem Moore. Welcome to immediate hero status, Robert Meachem.
If Pics of Me in Front of Stuff were a Redskins fan not only would Pics of Me in Front of stuff be fatter and stupider with a vocabulary limited to grunts and swear words aimed at the television, but also Pics of Me in Front of Stuff would have been disappointed by the outcome of this game. Since moving to New Jersey Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has watched football at multiple sports bar many times and is always astounded at the absurdity that are Redskin fans. Certainly different from the meathead, Jersey-shore Giants fans or the redneck, asshole Cowboys fans, Redskins fans bring a unique level of dumb-ass to the table. It's much easier to deal with the stereotypical Giants/Cowboys fans and their hair gel/sodomy than the unpredictable Timmy from South Park-esque rage observed emanating from many fans of the Washington Redskins. Maybe it's because the mascot is a racial slur? There is no clear explanation as to why they are the way they are. Fortunately, as a relatively 'impartial' observer watching the city of New Orleans get excited as its football team went 12-0 is one of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's favorite non-Philadelphia related sports memory. Congratulations, Saints!
But let's move onto more pressing things, like a Picture of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff in front of Jackson Square and St. Louis Cathedral. Get a load of that man-candy.

Can you believe that guy is currently single?

At the time he wasn't and following the events of the previous evening, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff barely made it to the first half of the Saints game because of CP's hangover. It was truly a rare occasion where CP was more hungover than me and would be celebrated by some. In it's current state, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff really does not give a shit so what's really important is what happened when everyone felt good enough to get out of bed: the football game and a visit to the New Orleans Voodoo Museum. It's unclear whether Marie Leveau, the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans, would be pleased about a museum dedicated to her and her craft being featured on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. That raises the question, would any historical figure be pleased to be featured on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff? Given the fair number of graves Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has featured, hopefully the answer is yes though it's probably debatable.

Ooooh, look ladies, it's that man-candy, again.

Next to the the stud in the aviators is the small set of rooms that contains the New Orleans Voodoo Museum. The museum is small, but reasonably priced and allows photos. There is an eclectic mixture of items which seems to embody what Pics of Me in Front of Stuff understands about Louisiana Voodoo.

There are multiple influences that make up the religion including African and Catholic which makes for a very diverse belief system. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is most definitely a fan of Voodoo's willingness to adjust and incorporate whatever it really wants. No doubt a limited understanding could easily lead to mockery because of what appears to be random items. But if there is one thing Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is known for it is tolerance and understanding... It does not matter that those are two things. Aside from the ecclectic collection the two main rooms of the museum featured two main displays. The first was the rougarou which is essentially the Louisiana Voodoo version of a werewolf though this one appeared to resemble an alligator-man.

The second was the Voodoo Wishing Stump.

Guess what Pics of Me in Front of Stuff wished for...

It's clear how that worked out. Maybe if Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was not so cheap, maybe the Cowboys would not have kicked the shit out of the Eagles two January weekends in a row...should have put in $0.75. Maybe next time...

Louisiana - State No. 32

2010-06-13T21:32:00.000-04:00

The number of viewers of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has increased exponentially over the past 6 months.
How does Pics of Me in Front of Stuff know?
Big Brother is watching you in the form of Google Analytics.
According to Google Analytics over 300 people per day access the post about Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's inebriated trip to Baltimore and Towson, MD thanks to the word vagina appearing multiple times. In response to that large increase in viewership due to discussion of a particular portion of the female anatomy Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has a simple statement: vagina, vagina, vagina, VAGINA!

Now the hits should keep on rolling in!
The following video is both vagina related and hilarious though probably unrelated to anything that might appear further down.

Tosh.0

Game Ovaries

www.comedycentral.com

Web Redemption

2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction

Demi Moore Picture

For those of you looking for more than some Pics of Vagina in Front of Stuff, you may have noticed that a post featuring New Mexico - State No. 33 appeared well before there was ever a post about Louisiana - State No. 33. Since Louisiana was visited by Pics of Me in Front of Stuff in early December this post is a long time in coming. Reader, you might have suffered through Arkansas - State No. 31 waiting for the culmination of the excitement that always follows a trip to New Orleans. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff suffered through Arkansas, too. Seriously, who puts the Great River Road where you can't see the damned river? Way to go Arkansas, no wonder people from West Virginia make fun of you.
But Pics of Me in Front of Stuff will leave vaginas and Arkansas alone for now, hopefully the latter a lot longer than the former, and move onto Louisiana.

That's french, bitches. The vaginas love the French...or the French are vaginas...or either way it's Louisiana.
The main reason most people go to Louisiana is New Orleans, the Big Easy. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff likes to pretend it's different than everyone else.
Look at me, I have a blog. I like to refer to myself as Pics of Me in Front of Stuff in my blog instead of using the first person. Aren't I fucking special?!
That's usually what helps Pics of Me in Front of Stuff sleep at night, but truth be told New Orleans was the final destination of the road trip that started oh so long ago in Charleston, SC. But like every intrepid journey through the wilderness known as Arkansas and most of Louisiana there were a few photo opportunities to be had. Actually there was only one. It was the old convenience store in Transylvania, Louisiana.

Who doesn't look bad ass posing with their rented Pontiac G6?

That's right, not everyone gets to pose in Transylvania!

It got a lot more interesting further south when we reached N'awlins. Some of the photos and videos from the time in New Orleans were too drunk and blurry and possibly adult to share on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. It had been a long day of driving and northern Louisiana is not a whole helluva lot more interesting than Arkansas. Really, the best part was knowing that as night fell Pics of Me in Front of Stuff would eventually reach the end of its journey across the southeastern United States.

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff eventually found its way to Bourbon Street and the expected debauchery evolved. New Orleans was not Bear Fights in New Brunswick drunkeness, Towsonian levels of vagina, or Phucked up in Philly levels of being blacked out for Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. CP often made me look like Bluto from Animal House in comparison.

She was still definitely up for some CP-level partying. It was still New Orleans so after dinner and a few Hurricanes...

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff eventually found this bar...

Where Pics of Me in Front of Stuff swears they were giving us 3 beers for the price of one. Also at that bar we found this guy...

And really how does any night where that guy is spotted does not equal fun? There were some beads as you can clearly see from the picture below.

The band at the bar was good, too. After that everything got rather hazy.

There was another day in New Orleans, but like this first post about Louisiana, that may be months in coming.

Ode to Grandma

2010-05-30T18:40:00.000-04:00

Considering the glamorous lifestyle described by Pics of Me in Front Stuff it may be hard to believe that Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is really the work of a single person in New Jersey who has a real life. It's true and about a month ago the real world intruded on the persistent globe trotting described here when the last living grandparent and Official Grandma of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff passed away. The family congregated in the small town in Central Pennsylvania where she had spent the last of her 87 years on a sunny April day to pay their last respects to her. These were the Official Thoughts of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff while riding home in the backseat of the Official Mom of Pic's of Me in Front of Stuff's car. I added the Alan Jackson quote later just because I felt like it fit even if Grandma was never a Small Town Southern Man.

'He said his greatest contribution
Is the ones you leave behind'
- Alan Jackson, Small Town Southern Man

Today was Grandma's funeral and despite consistent grumblings from her children while she was alive, I know they all loved her. When I was asked about my favorite memory of her nothing specific sprung to mind. I remember her old house on Museum Road in Reading. I remember building blocks on her coffee table in her TV room. Her cookie jar. The tire swing in her backyard which was hung when my mom and dad were still married over 20 years ago. I'll never forget the pants suit she wore every time I visited her. Gray suit and black shirt. She was buried in that outfit and I do not think there was a single stitch of clothing that could have served as a better choice.
What sticks out in my mind the most about Grandma is what she made. Aunt Joan started off her eulogy talking about grandma baking cookies and apple pies. Her meat loaf was legendary. She was also a wizard with cross-stitch and crocheting. All 7 of her grandchildren got a blanket when they were born. I have multiple afghans that she made. One of my favorite gifts I have ever received is the blanket she made for my 18th birthday. It was the last one she ever made. It's a warm and beautiful blanket that I think multiple ex-girlfriends would have considered stealing if I ever dated evil women. It makes me smile to think of the amount of effort she needed to make that blanket. But that's how grandma showed her love. I will not lay claim to having the best grandmother ever. But like the song says she knew her greatest contribution would be in the ones she left behind and she helped to make a great family. There are the clear successes of her son Bill, the renowned biologist, and her grandson Mike, the corporate VP of an international manufacturer. There is the close-knit family of Ted and Joan who have 2 children, one of them Mike above, and 4 grandchildren. And there is my mom the resilient woman without whom I would not be sitting here right now. I'd be remiss not to mention all of my cousins but each of them is living a life in their way that they can be proud of. Her family was her greatest product and the one of which she was most proud. What we should always remember is that it takes a lot of love to make something great and grandma's love helped to make a great family.

Here's a picture of most of her grandchildren to prove it.

Grandma, We love you.

Boston Red Sox 5, Philadelphia Phillies 0 - Citizens Bank Ballpark - Philadelphia, PA

2010-05-23T18:28:00.000-04:00

There have been 223 no-hitters in Major League Baseball since the modern era of baseball began in 1900. Pitchers for the Philiies have thrown 9 no-hitters. Kevin Millwood was the last Phillies pitcher to do it. The Fightn's have been no-hit17 times the last by Bob Forsch of the St. Louis Cardinals in 1978. Only 2 have ever been thrown in Interleague play.
The Mets have never had a single no-hitter in their favor.
Saturday night Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was in Citizens Bank Ballpark as Daisuke Matsuzaka of the Boston Red Sox tried to add one more to those lists.

That's right, Eat a Dick chronological order. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff will post stuff that happened in April whenever Pics of Me in Front of Stuff wants to. That includes Opening Day.
Anyway, this guy threw seven and two-thirds of no-hit baseball versus one of the best lineups in baseball.

The picture was taken with the Official Cell Phone of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff hence the poor quality. That really is Dice-K on the mound out there. Then Juan Castro went and ruined it. It was a bittersweet hit because there are approximately two no-hitters on average in a give baseball season. With 30 teams each playing 162 regular season games that means less than a tenth of a percent of the games are no-hitters in a given season. Despite it being the Phils getting no-hit, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff could say it was present for a no-hitter. That would have counted for something. Instead it was just a 5-0 loss at the hands of the Red Sox. Bummer.
Following the game there was the usual drunken debauchery and the first Bear Fight of the season at PJ Whelihan's. Thanks to the Bear Fight the night's festivities are a little hazy. There is also a new entry in the contacts of Official Cell Phone of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff thanks to Fensty: Amanda0Hug0and0Kiss, Maybe more on that some other time. Despite the harsh glare, it is usually not a bad thing that Fensty is watching.

Holy Crap a New Post!

2010-05-22T13:49:00.000-04:00

For all of you die-hard Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Readers out there, the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated...if there were any such rumors. Life got busy and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff will delve into more detail regarding that at a later date. Hopefully, that date will be tomorrow. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is being updated to do the Official Second Favorite Activity of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, Baseball Category- make fun of the New York Mets.
Sorry, Pics of Me in Front Stuff really enjoyed Thursday night's episode of 30 Rock.

Is there a better night of television than Thursday nights on NBC? Pics of Me in Front of Stuff declares there is not.Following Thursday night's hilarity was Friday night's start of MLB's Interleague play. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff will be at Saturday's Game 2 of the Phillies-Red Sox series.
If you somehow missed it, the Yankees are also playing the Mets in what has been dubbed the Subway Series. CP once asked if the name was related to the chain sandwich restaurant that has Jared as a spokesperson...and she worked in New York City and lived directly across the river from it. In case, Dear Reader, you missed ESPN's all-encompassing coverage, it's a big deal...at least according to ESPN. Since Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is stationed in north Jersey the Mets-Yankees game was on TWO CHANNELS! Since the Philadelphia Phillies are the Official Major League Baseball Team of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, this was worst possible time to eat dinner, the Official 3rd Daily Meal of Pics of Me in Front Stuff, at a local sports bar. There was only one shining moment. Both televisions hanging above the bar were turned to the games. One TV was clearly HD and was slightly ahead in the broadcast of the game. The slow, ugly television was showing the Mets channel. Repeat, the slow, ugly television was showing the Mets channel. The slow, ugly television was showing the Mets channel. Television imitating art or baseball... or maybe television imitates fanbase...

You get the point.

Early morning Santa Fe - Day 2

2010-04-20T09:05:00.001-04:00

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff woke up too damn early today - up before the sun.

It seemed like a good idea to get up early and check out Santa Fe without the usual people milling about. That way there was no need to worry about random people walking through my photos or being run over by a car if a picture looked better when it was taken from the middle of the street. The streets were mostly deserted.

This may have been a great idea if Pics of Me in Front of Stuff had not woken up at 4AM EDT and gone to bed after 11PM MDT yesterday. There was a statue in town for people who do shit like that.

There were still some pretty sights to be seen early in the morning.

Any time of day Santa Fe is a pretty town. And after some breakfast Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is heading north to explore Bandelier National Monument.
**** UPDATE: This whole daily update idea fizzled out with my internet connection once I reached Arizona. Stay tuned for more fun and exciting posts once Pics of Me in Front of Stuff returns to the Garden State.

Santa Fe New Mexico - State No. 33 - Day 1

2010-04-19T09:30:00.000-04:00

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is in a new place and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff decided to go with another new direction following the last post which was reportedly something completely different. Since Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has arrived in New Mexico it figured it could share a daily update with readers and share the Land of Enchantment's enchantedness in quasi-real team. That means maybe only a day late. Let's try to avoid the Hawaii incident in which months were spent chronicling a 1 week vacation to Kona. Some of my readers felt neglected that their visit to New York City to see the Phillies beat the Mets was not getting the attention it deserved.

He'll be pissed I have not posted about our trip to Washington, D.C. for Opening Day now, too.
The trip did not have an auspicious beginning because Newark and Continental Airlines decided to leave Newark for Houston approximately 30 minutes later than scheduled nearly stranding Pics of Me in Front of Stuff and several other irate passengers in Houston. The big plane flying in from New Jersey landed at one end of George Bush International while the little plan heading to Albuquerque took off from the other end of the airport. To compound that, the train system connecting terminals was not working that day and we were all forced to crowd onto shuttle buses. When my fellow passengers and I had completed our mad-dash across the airport they were shutting the doors and we were initially told by an airline employee we had not made it. Fortunately, someone higher on the Continental airlines food chain made an executive decision and put the 10 or so passengers from Newark on the plane to New Mexico. Amazingly, the Official Luggage of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff made it, too. Interestingly or ironically or some other word that starts with an i and ends with an -ly, following landing in the Land of Enchanment, the Official Rental Car of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff which turned out to be a newer, golder version of the Official Vehicle of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff.

Neither vehicle has accelerated uncontrollably and hopefully neither will.
New Mexico, like much of the Southwest, has a completely different landscape than the green rolling hills of PA and NJ in which Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is based. Driving in New Mexico feels like driving on Mars just with oxygen and paved roads.

My first impression of New Mexico culture is that they are very proud of their Native American heritage.

Both old

And new.

The drive to Santa Fe was mostly uneventful. The Official Santa Fe Hotel of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was the Hotel Plaza Real which is just off the the famous Santa Fe Plaza.

After a brief walk around Santa Fe was followed by dinner and many Santa Fe Brewery Nut Browns at the Cowgirl Grill.

Reviews from Yelp referred to the place as a Hooter's clone. That was far from true, the restaurant was just a country-western bar and grill with predominantly female employees in cowboy hats. There was a great country-western band whose name escapes me. Luckily, it was a brief walk to the Plaza Real Hotel. Since Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has been awake for almost 20 hrs. Time for Pics of Me in Front Stuff needs to pass out for a while.

And now something completely different ...

2010-04-10T21:04:00.000-04:00

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has never gotten around to figuring out what exactly it is. Definitely not a mommy-blogger, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has narrowed itself down to either a travel blog or one of those completely random comedic blogs rolling around the internet. While not a sports blog, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has been known to delve into sporting events especially those featuring the Philadelphia Phillies. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff went to Opening Day with 30,000 other Phillies fans to Washington, D.C. Fensty was watching and nobody died. This Guy and T-Rev were there as well.

The Opening Day post will be upcoming.

But first, a little Mets-bashing! If you have been a baseball-free environment for the past 5 years, the Fightin Phils have been pretty good including 3 straight division titles and two straight NL Pennants and the mantle of World Phucking Champions in 2008. All of this recent glory has come primarily at the expense of the New York Metropolitans and their star third baseman David Wright. Without the Mets epic collapse in 2007 this recent golden age of Phillies may never have come to fruition. The Mets were leading the NL East in September in 2008 when the Phillies overtook them on their way to World Series victory. Last year Pics of Me in Front of Stuff watched as the Mets suffered through an atrocious season filled with injury and misfortune. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff almost felt pity for them.
And then David Wright went and tried to borrow music from Rocky, THE iconic movie of Philadelphia for his latest Vitamin Water advertisement.

This video combines two of my favorite things:
1. The Jersey Shore's The Situation. That guy is comedic gold.

2. Making fun of the homoerotic activities of the New York Mets especially David Wright. In case you missed it, this is not Mr. Wright's first foray into advertising that led to questions regarding his sexuality.

Should Citi Field just change it's name to The Birdcage?

You may be wandering how any of David Wright's homoerotic activity relates to the video above. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is about to school you. If you happen to be a fan of the Rocky series you know a few things. The first is that Rocky V NEVER existed. The second is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change...and end the Cold War. The third and maybe saddest thing is that the hug between Rocky and Apollo at the conclusion of the training montage from Rocky III is one of the least heterosexual moments in any sports movie ever. Here are the real life versions.

It is not surprising that the Mets go ahead and borrow the least manly thing possible from another proud Philadelphia franchise. There's a reason the Mets play in Queens! The Situation is the obvious heterosexual. The 'Harder, David, Harder' moment may have been questionable but he slides headfirst into a pool full of bikini-clad women and Vitamin Water. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff imagines Jose Reyes saying the same thing.

You never see what kind of pool David Wright slides into but Pics of Me in Front of Stuff feels it's a safe assumption that the pool is full of semen. Where else do you think that David got those extra nutrients?

Wayanda State Park - Hewitt, NJ

2010-03-30T21:34:00.000-04:00

In between blizzards and before the recent monsoon season started in New Jersey the sun briefly shone outside and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was able to get outside and enjoy the beautiful countryside...of New Jersey? Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was as shocked as the rest of you, but if you go far enough in New Jersey, away from the shore, the urban sprawl, and the chemical plants there are some beautiful state parks. Keep in mind this is where New Jersey is close to becoming New York and Pennsylvania (i.e. not New Jersey) and that probably plays a role in the scenery. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has seen it before.
This time, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff visited Wawayanda State Park.

Wawayanda is in northern NJ, not the north Jersey near New York City, but the geographical, actual northern New Jersey.

View Larger Map
That broken line cutting diagonally through the map is the NY-NJ border. And near that border is some beautiful scenery as promised.

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's journey started out on the opposite side of this lake which probably has a name. Like most other or maybe all bodies of water, the lake also has a beach.

Fortunately, this beach was nothing like Seaside Heights and there was no Snookie or Situation to wreak havoc on the locals. It may have been a little cold for J-Wow and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew. It may have been a little too muddy for them as well since some of the snow from one of the first blizzards of the year had melted. It seems doubtful that many of the inhabitants of the Jersey Shore house handled mud well. Despite the wilderness some parts of New Jersey was unavoidable. Like many of the parks in the area Wawayanda State Park was once used for the iron industry. A large blast furnace still stands not far from the lake pictured above.

Sadly, there was also some urban sprawl dumped out in the woods, too.

Minus the junk that had been dumped out in the woods a long time ago Wawayanda was a beautiful state park on a sunny, warm winter day. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff followed some blue marked trails and managed not to get terribly lost in the woods. The Official GPS of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was bought as a gift by the Official Mom of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff following a harrowing experience in the woods of central PA.

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff followed these and managed to get back to the Official Car of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. Also, only photographs were taken and only footsteps left and maybe time was wasted. It was a good day to be outside.

Devils 3, Penguins 1 - Prudential Center - Newark, NJ

2010-03-28T07:37:00.000-04:00

With apologies to my Canadian and Pittsburgh readers, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff hates Sidney Crosby. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff hates Sid the Squid and his big over-inflated lips with a passion that burns deep the Official Soul of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. There really is no explanation for it. It is just one of those things.

The part that is most confusing is that Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is not a hockey fan. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is a fan of most of the sports Philadelphia has to offer but the Flyers are not among those teams. It might be related to the recent loss by the American Olympic Hockey team to the Canadians in the Gold Medal Game. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff feels a strong pride in the Official Home of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff whether it's the Official Hometown, Official State, or Official Country. Cindy Crosby went and scored the game winning goal in OT against Team USA so the correlation is pretty clear. The Bartner, a Pittsburgh sports fan, texted the Official Cell Phone of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff after the loss stating it was bittersweet because it was Crosby that scored. The Official Reply of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was that he needs to get the fuck out of the Official Country of Pics of ME in Front of Stuff if there was anything sweet about Team USA losing. If only it was that simple. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff felt disdain for Squidney Crybaby even before Team Canada received their gold medals.

Crosby does suck though it is unclear why. Maybe it is Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's disdain for Pittsburgh sport. The Official Dislike of Pittsburgh sports does not burn with the same intensity of the Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees, New York Mets, and/or New York Giants. The Pittsburgh hate is something different. Like when a guy walks into a room and you automatically hate him. There is nothing he nor Pittsburgh can do, it's just the way it is. It might be the black and gold color scheme or the fact Pittsburgh football team has won 6 more Super Bowls than Official Football Team of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff or the fact that Ben Roethlisberger can not stop sexually assaulting women or the fact that Pittsburgh fans magically appear whenever their team wins. It's like the Halloween episode of South Park where the boys keep making Biggie Smalls appear by saying his name into a mirror three times. Interestingly, Pirates fans never seem to show up.

I won't lie and say I have not been a lifelong, hardcore Phillies fan, but I hopped on the bandwagon in 2005 well before the current successful run started to take flight in 2007. Besides I could not resist this guy for too long.

But this post is not about baseball in Philly or Pittsburgh, it is about a hockey game in New Jersey. The Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey is home to the New Jersey Devils among other less successful sports franchises.

There is a hockey player in Championship Plaza and not a basketball player for a reason.

As a relatively recent resident of New Jersey I really want to try to cheer for someone from the state. All the teams with New York names, but New Jersey addresses are out for obvious reasons. For professional and major college sports that leaves Seton Hall basketball, Rutgers football, the Nets, and the Devils. Seton Hall basketball is the obvious choice as I am working on my PhD part time there. The Seton Hall Pirates have a rich history in basketball, but recently have been mediocre at best. Rutgers is a good choice because their football uniforms resemble my high school's and they have recently become competitive. The Rutgers-Penn State series is about to restart and I will not even pretend to cheer for the Scarlet Knights. The Nets are a possibility because if I cheer for them now and they become good I can say I was a fan when they were historically bad...before Lebron signs here because of Jay-Z. But seriously, they are historically bad. Finally, there is the Devils who play a sport I am indifferent towards but for which I had tickets.

Advantage Devils.

The game was important for playoff positioning with the Devils hoping to catch the Penguins, the defending Stanley Cup champions, in the NHL's Atlantic Division late in the season. The Devils have owned the Penguins this year and this could end up being a conference championship preview. Aside from all of that, the fans of opposing teams on the East Coast (i.e. Flyers, Rangers, Devils, etc.) hate Sidney Crosby much more than I do. Those circumstances should have created an electric atmosphere among the home fans on a Friday night. Unfortunately, there appears to be an extremely limited number of Devil's fans. An 'omigosh this is a little depressing' number of Devil's fans were at the game for a team that has multiple championships within the past 15 years and one of the best greatest goalies of all time in net.

Martin Brodeur is pretty good.

Why does no one in New Jersey seem to care?
Even though hardly anyone showed up, they still played the game. The game started off quickly with each team scoring a goal within the first 10 minutes of the first period. The scoring stopped through the rest of the next two periods. Marc-Andre Fleury, aside from the sissy name, is a pretty good goalie, too.

Fortunately the fighting frequency picked up.

Fighting for hockey fans is like wrecks for NASCAR fans; it's the real reason they watch. Or at least it's the real reason I watch on the infrequent times I do watch.

If not going to score goals, you might as well have a fight in front of the goal to show your frustration.
There also was a penalty shot which was videotaped poorly by yours truly.

In the third period, the Devils resumed scoring. The Penguins did not. The Devils won 3-1.

As for impressions of the game, several friends of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff told me that watching an NHL game live would make Pics of Me in Front of Stuff fall in love with the game. This was not true. The game was exciting and it was fun to be in the arena, but Pics of Me in Front of Stuff does not feel any stronger affection for hockey than prior to the game. Nor does a team based in New Jersey hold a special place in my heart. Baseball remains the top game to watch in person and football remains the top sport to watch on television. Hockey is in the mix with basketball and English Premier League soccer to watch on television. The Official Universe of Pics of Me in Front of stuff was not rocked by a trip to the...Rock.
CROSBY SUCKS!

Arkansas - State No. 31

2010-03-22T22:31:00.000-04:00

When reading Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, it may be hard to believe I have a graduate degree in chemistry and I am working on a second. I am not sure if you question my graduate degree because of my amazing writing skill on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff makes you wander why I am wasting my time as a chemist (unlikely) or the poor writing skill on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff makes you question my intelligence (possibly) and how the Hell I have any degree. In spite of your questioning my writing or chemistry skills, I did manage to go to graduate school and the year before I started this happened.

This had little to do with my choice, but I did attend the little, orange school that could. That was not their only One Shining Moment. The spring of my first year at graduate school this happened.

'Ray Bucknell!
You may be asking "Is there a point to this little anecdote that applies to more recent history?"
You may also be asking "This guy really has a graduate degree in chemistry?!"
The answer to both is yes. Whilst I was gallivanting around the southern United States this past winter I was forced to visit some states that are not known for being exciting. Alabama and Mississippi were both little more than notches on my US Travel belt. Like the Bison and their second One Shining Moment, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff had to deal with Arkansas before moving onto bigger and better things.

I had very low expectations for Arkansas for a couple of reasons. The first was a lack of creativity in the state's name. Bucknell beat Kansas one season then Arkansas the next. If there had been a Lekansas the Bison may have been invited back to the Tournament for a Kansas trifecta. Did the founders of Arkansas not notice that West Virginia was Virginia's red-headed step child? Virginia is a pretty nice state with the beaches and the proximity to the nation's capital. Arkansas decided to name itself after Kansas with its....Rock, Chalk, and Jayhawk?
Advantage: West Virginia.
How many times has that ever been said,
The second reason was, like Alabama, there is a dearth of worthwhile stops in Arkansas that were on the Official Route of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. There are diamond mines and hot springs in Arkansas but both were too far out of the way to make the trip worthwhile. Since the next stop was New Orleans, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff wanted to stick to the eastern portion of the Natural State.
That's where the Great River Road entered the picture.

The Great River Road follows the Mississippi River from its northern most reaches in Minnesota to where the river meets the Gulf of Mexico in Louisiana. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff followed this National Scenic Byway from West Memphis to Lake Village, Arkansas in search of adventure and excitement. You probably won't be surprised that Pics of Me in Front of Stuff found little of either.

View Larger Map
This was one of the more exciting moments of the trip.

Yeah, Arkansas!
There were more high points, but not many. Aside from the Millennial Mile Mark, there was also the Louisiana Purchase State Park which memorializes the first surveying expedition of the Louisiana Purchase.

Without the Louisiana Purchase there is no Lewis and Clark. Without Lewis and Clark there is no Oregon Trail. Without Oregon Trail Pics of Me in Front of Stuff would never have gotten to go wild game hunting or ford a river in elementary school.

If you look closely, you can also see the Fifth Principal Meridian.

You might see the imaginary line known as the Fifth Principal Meridian if you look at those trees hard enough.

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff killed a buffalo that weighed 998 pounds, but was only able to carry 100 pounds. Continuing the historical theme of the trip, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff also visited the site of the first night flight by an airplane in the United States. Since he did many of the other firsts in American aviation history it should be no surprise that the pilot was Charles Lindbergh and that there is a monument commemorating the event in Lake Village, Arkansa

Finally, there was history in between these two historical markers in the form of the Lakeport Plantation, the last remaining antebellum mansion in Arkansas. The Lakeport Plantation is on the National Register of Historic Places and has been rebuilt over 5 years by Arkansas State University. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff visited on the day of the Christmas Open House and met some wonderfully friendly people who had put significant effort in restoring this house to its current state.

And the excitement did not stop there...but it got pretty close to being done. Aside from the occasional historical landmark, there was certainly not much going on in eastern Arkansas. There was a whole lot of cotton fields. Driving down the Great River Road gave a surprisingly few glimpses of the Great River. There were quite a few views of cotton fields.

And there was one of these, too.

And that was Arkansas.

Waynesboro, PA and Haagerstown, MD - All messed up

2010-03-14T14:36:00.000-04:00

I am sure all of the devoted readers of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff are thinking 'Really, Kyle?! No pictures again?!" I can explain the problem in one word - thundercougarfalconbird.
Now with more eagle.
As I lie in bed feeling the continued effects of what has turned into a 2-day hangover, I have to really question why I do this to myself. I fear that booze might be my thundercougarfalconbird.. Replace Fry with Kyle, the salesman with a bartender, and thundercougarfalconbird with alcohol and you sum up far too many of my nights out lately. I am only allowed on 20-Something Bloggers for so much longer and since I am not a mommy-blogger, a fashionista, an unemployed recent college graduate, or a female they may kick me out even sooner. Maybe I need to start acting more responsible, like I am approaching 30. Or maybe I should avoid the whole black-out drunk thing.
I know I am probably confusing most of my readers with all of these metaphors so I'll just talk about my trip to Haagerstown, MD with my meathead friends from college.

Back in the day we were kinda bad-ass.

Maybe bad-ass is a bit of a stretch, but we were definitely on the bigger side. On Saturday a number of us pictured above gathered near the MD-PA border at Shac Dizzle's (#67) house. If owning a home and having children (extremely cute twins) makes you mature and/or responsible then Shac is king of Mature Responsible Mountain. I am not really sure what that means, but he does have a wife, kids, and a mortgage. None of those are a thundercougarfalconbird, but they are all things I would like to have in the not too distant future. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff and my thundercougarfalconbird may suffer as a result, but that is something I am willing to live with. Not all of those big fellas pictured above made it down to Shac's place. The Sackmaster (#33), The Best Option QB in the State of PA (#11), and The Man with the Most Powerful Liver on Earth (just above my right shoulder) joined Shac, some of Shac's in-laws, and myself for a fun filled romp through South Central PA. By fun filled romp I mean there was a lot of drinking and by South Central PA I also mean Haagerstown, MD.
As seems to be my custom on these booze and amnesia fueled adventures, we started off strong with lots of beer and food. The food was at Dave and Jane's Crab House Restaurant and Lounge in Fairfield, PA. There had been talk of dominating some AYCE crabs, shrimp, or some other sea creature but those thoughts were brushed aside due to the inordinate amount of drinking that had proceeded and was about to proceed. No one wanted to give up space in their stomach to food because more room for beer was needed. I also was trying to avoid being covered in sea creature guts because I have been known to wear my dinner when alcohol is involved. We all did chow down on some hush puppies and crab fries. The Sackmaster referred to the hush puppies as the best thing he had ever eaten. The crab fries were a surprise since they covered in lump crab meat and not just old bay.
Following the food was more drinking at Shac Dizzle's Mature Responsible Mountain Castle and at some point there was a continued passing of a bottle of Jim Beam between the Man with World's Strongest Liver, Shac's brother-in-law and I. Clearly, the night was filled with good intentions. After what seemed like an interminable wait a few cabs arrived to take us to Cancun Cantina in Haagerstown.

From there everything gets a little hazy.

The known facts include:
1. The Man with the World's Strongest Liver and I took shots at each bars in the place. The number of bars is unknown to me but it is the range of 3 to 6.
2. There were lots of dudes with cowboy hats. I cannot give an exact number but there were certainly more than 5.
3. The Sackmaster had my cheap aviator sunglasses on at some point but they are gone now. I have to go to Wal Mart and buy some more for $5.
4. I remember a brunette waitress with a cowboy hat as looking like Rachel McAdams. She was selling shots for $6 and I felt that was too expensive. Somehow I doubt she really looked like Rachel McAdams, but I am positive she had a cowboy hat on...maybe.
5. I was stuck outside for some reason at the end of the night. I was unsure if I was asked to leave or left on my own and was not allowed back in. Either way there was an indeterminate amount of time in which I was waiting outside for everyone else. It's likely I'll never know why and that may be for the best.
That really summed up my night in Haagerstown. I dumped a fair amount of money into that bar for no memories, no picture, and a pretty bad hangover. That will have to be something I consider from here on out when I go out to a bar. Wow, I must be getting old.

Memphis, Tennessee

2010-02-28T23:21:00.000-05:00

Prior to the whole 50 states in 30 years quest began and before Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was even a glimmer in my eye I visited Tennessee with my family on our return trip from the Atlanta Olympics to our rural home in Pennsylvania. We spent a little time in the Smoky Mountains. I can't say much more than that. The portion of the trip through Tennessee was certainly much less memorable than the portion spent in Atlanta. Tennessee for us was really defined by what went on in Atlanta, the Olympic Bombing happened the day after we left Georgia while we were in the Volunteer State.

This guy did not do it.

That is Richard Jewell and no matter how much the FBI profilers and the media wanted him to be culprit, it was not him. He should have been a hero and will probably always be incorrectly remembered as a villain.

Whoa, that was as close as I ever get to political rant.

Sorry about that.
Getting to visit the site of the Olympics was a great opportunity and my mom and step-dad were great for paying for me to go on some great trips both with and without them while I was growing up. When I look back at my teenage years, especially the early ones, I feel like I was probably an ungrateful little bastard most of the time. It was probably the same shit everyone goes through growing up due to hormones and teenage insecurities. (Wow, I just did a Google Image Search for teenage hormones and asshole. Those results almost made me blush. This was one of the cleanest images that resulted.)

Maybe I should put Safe-Search back on.

Comparing how I feel about myself now and how I feel about myself now it's like night and day. Really, it should be completely different considering I am approximately twice as old now. I will never know where my lack of confidence came from but it was there and I can imagine it made me a pain in the ass to live with and especially ride an a car with over a weeks worth of road trip. To the Official Parents of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, I apologize.

Sorry.

Holy shit, is this a LOL Cats picture? I might have to punch myself in the nuts.

Back to the present, I would like to thank Memphis for being close to Tunica, Mississippi. I was not a huge fan of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's time in the 3rd biggest gambling center in the United States. It is a short ride between Tunica and Memphis, but leaving the bright secure lights of the casino we got to a see a part of the country not many people will witness. The outskirts of Memphis in Tennessee and Mississippi are a rather depressed area. Or at least it appeared depressed to my untrained eyes. Maybe it was easier for me to see the shortcomings since the area is much flatter than the depressed areas in PA that I earned my first 2 degrees. No one could hide in the hills because there were not any hills that close to the Mississippi River. Once Pics of Me in Front of Stuff arrived in Memphis we stuck to the more tourist friendly areas so there was no abject poverty on display but there were some signs that Memphis had been affected by the economic downturn through which this country had been going through since Bill Clinton left office. I had never been in such an empty mall in my life in December as when I entered Peadbody Place.

Don't go in there CP, it's empty!!

By empty I mean not just a lack of shoppers but also a lack of stores.

Thank God for the other tourist attractions in town. The first we happened upon was the Pyramid.

Playing off its namesake in Egypt, Memphis, TN has its own pyramid. Like the Egyptian version its the Pyramid is within spitting distance of a major river (Mississippi vs the Nile). Playing into my whole economically depressed area point from above, the Pyramid is an arena but has not hosted regular sporting events since 2001. Both the University of Memphis basketball team and the NBA's Memphis Grizzlies played there prior to the construction of the Fedex Forum. According Wikipedia there are no current plans for regular use of the Pyramid but hopefully something will materialize to keep the building open. It is a unique building in the United States and the 6th biggest pyramid in the world so somebody needs to figure out how to use it.

Could we mummify and bury them in there in preparation for the afterlife?

Is this much different than that?

Moving further away from the Official Parking Spot in Memphis of Pics Me in Front of Stuff, I eventually came upon the Gibson Guitar Factory.

Memphis's prominent musical history features the likes of Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, Otis Redding, and Al Green just to name a few. Having a guitar factory downtown just makes sense. It is a rather new development in Memphis though the exact year escapes me. It did not turn up in the minimal amount of research effort I am willing to put into finding it. Like most factories, to the bane of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's existence, photographs were not allowed. The tour is worth the $10 it cost because making a guitar is a surprisingly labor intensive and interesting procedure. Any defects that may occur in the process call for the immediate destruction of that guitar. The final step is actually playing the guitar to ensure if it sounds right. In my head the only way to ensure the guitar is working correctly is to play Stairway to Heaven. Keep in mind I have no musical ability or knowledge, but dammit I wanted to hear Stairway.

My Stairway to Heaven related disappointment disappeared shortly after we left the Gibson Guitar Factory thanks to the Memphis Rock and Soul Museum directly across the street and attached to the Fedex Forum.

Unlike too many new museums like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex and the Sports Museum of America in New York City, The Rock and Soul Museum does allow photographs but without a flash. Photographs would not do the place justice. What you really get out of the Roll and Soul Museum is the sound. While not a music aficionado this museum packed as much of the historical music of Memphis as aurally possible. Describing how rural and gospel music became soul and country and rock and roll music is a unique historical trip that can be seen in the musical history of Memphis. There are really too many recording artists and other figures to even try and mention so Pics of Me in Front of Stuff suggests going and seeing the Rock and Soul Museum for yourself.

With all of these attractions, I am sure you are wandering what exactly did Pics of Me in Front of Stuff eat? To ease your concern there is amazing food in Memphis like there was throughout the South. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff found its way to the famous Beale St in Memphis.

While not quite Bourbon Street, I imagine Beale Street could be a fun place given the right conditions. A cold night in the middle of the week in December is not the right conditions. The weather and timing certainly did not affect the quality of food at B.B. King's.

Those were some damn good ribs.

The ribs and the beer definitely went well with the great house band as well.

Dinner really sealed the deal on a good time in Memphis. Following some eating, drinking, and digesting all while watching the house band Pics of Me in Front of Stuff made its way back through the night to Tunica. After a good trip and in comparison to the disappointment that was Tunica, Memphis receives the vaunted Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Seal of Approval!

Tunica, Mississippi - State No. 30

2010-02-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

I seriously wrote this fucking post once already and Blogger did not save it for me. It was funny as shit. It had some references to The Karate Kid and shit that I felt really brought the proverbial fucking house down. Then Mozilla or Blogger or some other shit prevented me from saving it. My lack of forethought to save brilliant manuscripts on a backup disk in a fireproof box some day for my 2 followers to start a bidding war at Sotheby's or Sothe-bay's (get it?) astounds me. Why am I swearing so much? Maybe it's that or the bottle of wine I just polished off. No, my life is not so sad that I finished off a bottle of delicious Tohu 2007 Marlborough Pinot Noir by myself while polishing off two boxes of Butterfinger minis. I am in the middle of doing important research to please the members of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Nation. Tonight I learned you should read Club Trillion and NUMB3RS is a terrible television show.
I did have a topic before I started this inebriated typing- Mississippi State No. 30

That picture is blurry with no booze, but it still says Mississippi on that sign.
Here's my favorite joke about Mississippi:
A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following; "Emma come first, Den I come. Two asses, the come together, I come again. Two asses come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once a-more."
"You foul moutherd swine." retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady!" said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."
That joke definitely does not insult Mississipians which is often my intent when speaking about states that are not my own. Nope, this joke definitely insults the english speaking of ethnic Italians. But seriously, as insults regarding Italians coming out of New Jersey, this one is pretty tame. Italian Americans definitely should be more upset by the Sopranos or The Jersey Shore.
Mississippi, the Hospitality State, worked it's way to being State No. 30 on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's hit list thanks to its proximity to Alabama and Alabama's proximity to South Carolina. Like Alabama, the Gulf Shore of Mississippi is supposed to be nice but in December it's cold like most of the country. Unlike Alabama, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff had a clear destination before the plans for the recent southern swing were even in their infancy. The northwest corner of Mississippi houses the 3rd largest gambling center in the United States - Tunica, MS. Like Vegas and AC, Tunica features the usual major casinos including Harrah's, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's base of operations in Mississippi.

Here's the casino at night.

I can't lie and tell you how great the time at Tunica and Harrah's was. Unlike the Strip in Vegas or the Boardwalk in Atlantic City, if you pick Harrah's and don't like the gambling scene there's no option to walk or take a cab to Caesar's or the Trop. The casinos in Tunica or at least Harrah's are isolated from any other casino or grouping of casinos. Harrah's has a fine hotel. It was as nice as any casino hotel I have ever been in, but I have never been so nickeled and dimed by a hotel, casino or otherwise as I was by Harrah's. The restaurants were exorbitant, the fitness center cost money to use, and internet access was not even cheap. I am sure I could bitch some more about paying for things but I would rather complain about eating at Paula Dean's Buffet.

Ya'll Hungry?

No, I hate you. Leave me a lone. Paula's was the only restaurant open either due to it being December or mid-week so Pics of Me in Front of Stuff gorged itself with deep fried Southern comfort food. No wonder the South lost the Civil War if that's what they ate. Any and all charges would probably cause casualties due to heart attacks. If I ate that shit all the time you could put my sweat over a baked potato in place of butter and sour cream.
My disdain for Paula Dean's cooking aside, the casino was also a downer. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has been known to throw away it's money away in the right crowd. Blackjack, craps, roulette, one-armed bandits - any of those are an excellent for Pics in Me Front of Stuff to lose money. However, with a much more fiscally conservative CP at my side reckless gambling was not in the cards (get it?). Usually gambling also features free drinks but primarily due to the lack of crowds there were few cocktail waitresses to be found. On a bigger night, I could see Harrah's being a fun place to be. On a week night in December in the middle of the deepest recession since the Great Depression, Harrah's Tunica was rather unexciting.
The most interesting aspects of Tunica were its proximity to Memphis (I'll probably discuss that in the next post) and the fact the casinos in Tunica are located on the Mississippi River.

From my understanding of the gambling laws in the Hospitality State casinos are not allowed on land except for the southern-most counties of the state. If you could not tell by my bitching, Mississippi was not my favorite state to visit. At least they had some decent billboards.

And that's really as good as Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's visit to Mississippi got.
P.S. I did not have an awesome Karate Kid joke.

No pictures in New Brunswick, NJ

2010-02-21T21:35:00.000-05:00

I had an important experience Saturday night at the Harvest Moon Brewery in New Brunswick, NJ though I have only anecdotal evidence. The Harvest Moon is a nice bar with lots of good beer and a nice mix of people. It is by no means a college bar despite it's proximity to Rutgers but I have met a number of grad and med students there. Saturday night was not about the future doctors (M.D. or Ph.D.) present. No, Saturday night I experienced/witnessed the exact moment when I stopped living in the Sober World of rules and laws and I entered The Bear Fight Zone...

For the uninformed a Bearfight, aside from being a bad idea, is a Jagerbomb followed by an Irish Car Bomb. It's origin is shrouded in mystery and I have yet to find an excellent description as to where the name came from. Here's a good reference regarding the Bearfight's mysterious past. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has described multiple events involving misadventures that ensued at least partially due to a Bearfight. There has even been an ode to the drink titled The Summer of the Bearfight. But never in the two plus years of consuming them has the exact moment in which that door opened and Rod Sirling started talking about imagination and shit happened like it did in New Brunswick, NJ at the Harvest Moon Brewery last Saturday.

To assess the figure above, consider you have to be a less than sober to even consider doing a Bearfight. No one walks into a bar and immediately plunks down the large sum of cash required to buy both of those drinks for one fast consumption. No one ever should. Proper lubrication is required. I consumed most of a 10-beer sampler of the beer brewed on-premises. Usually the time post-Bearfight is a slow descent into darkness which has some common characteristics like disappeance (I am looking at you Mets Fan even though you never read this) or finding themselves making out with women of questionable attractiveness (No need to mention names, we've all been there at least once in our lives).

Some Bearfight related evenings have gone so far as to end in hospitalizations which are not funny until you you pick up one of your friends sitting on a bench outside in a hospital gown. I have even publicly apologized due to the effects of a Bearfight. Regardless of how far the evening goes, it is usually over time. There is usually no point in the night where the sober switch is turned off. The graph above shows there was no drunken gradient for yours truly Saturday night. Saturday night I found the switch. The Bartner who was the D.D. was a witness.

This Guy, the usual Bearfight instigator was also present.

The exact time was not recorded, but in the middle of a conversation I stopped speaking, made a funny face, and then continued on with the conversation. It was almost like a mini-stroke without the brain damage. Well...that might not be true, but I do have full use of both sides of my body. Maybe it was a brain fart. Maybe it was my brain trying to tell me to stop and go home. Whatever it was I kept plowing forward shortly afterward. The brain just received too much alcohol and needed a minute to reboot.

Anyone else remember the show Reboot?

Supposedly, This Guy laughed at me until the bears went ahead and took a bite out of him, too. After that point everything is rather blurry. There are no pictures which might be a good thing. I have vague recollections of very short women. Pretty sure there were no pygmies involved, but who knows for sure. The most important thing is everyone involved got home safely If I offended any tiny women at the Harvest Moon Brewery, I apologize. It was not me talking, I was in The Bearfight Zone!

Snow! - The East Coast!

2010-02-12T22:44:00.002-05:00

In case you missed it, it snowed a lot on the East Coast on Wednesday. Considering A.) New York City is the 'Center of the Universe' and B.) the East Coast Media bias in the United States we at Pics of Me in Front of Stuff have to wonder how exactly you are reading this and not know about the snow? Was your internet, cable, and phone on the fritz this week? Did you know the Saints won the Super Bowl on Sunday and the Winter Olympics start today? SERIOUSLY, HOW THE HELL DID YOU MISS THE SNOW?!?!?!?!
But I am just assuming you did not hear about the snow which is unfair. You know what happens when you assume...

This picture is only tangentially relevant but it tickles my funny bone and it is one of the first hits from a Google image search of assume. What really happens is 'You make an ASS out of U and ME!' If you have read enough of this blog you should know Pics of Me in Front of Stuff yearns to be a member of the Center of Excellence for Making an Ass Out of Yourself. There is no need for helping by making assumptions. Therefore, I will just stop pontificating on assumptions and make Pics of Me in Front of Stuff an assume-free zone.

Back to the snow.

I can not stand being trapped inside by snow so I bundled up and went for a walk outside. Just looking out my back door was not enough. The picture below is outside Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor.

Doo, Doo, Doo, Looking out my back door.

There is no clear explanation for the need for people to take innumerable pictures of cars buried in snow. Vehicles are a good reference for snow depth because almost everyone has seen a car before and consider the snow's relative height to that of the snow. With the advent of digital photogaphy and facebook everyone can now share just how much snow they got with the world. It's like making a blog where you take photos of yourself near landmarks of minimal interest to those in the rest of the world... Friends of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff all had multiple pictures of their snow covered vehicles and the weather forced me to look at every single one. It may be surprising Pics of Me in Front of Stuff has any friends, but remember it's facebook. Everyone has lots of friends in the imaginary world of social networking. And almost all of mine live on the East Coast and all of them had cars buried in snow.

Even the Official Mom of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff got into the snow-buried car picture act.

That's the cars in the driveway of the Official Childhood Home of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff.

What drove me outside in such harsh weather? I am not sure if it is the sound of feet crunching in the snow or the muffled serenity of being outside in the snow but a heavy snow makes me want to go outside. Snow makes everything except for driving more pleasant. Snow has a strong calming effect on people and tends to make them friendlier. There is something great about snow that makes everything more beautiful and peaceful and I need to go outside and be a part of that. Maybe I should take up cross-country skiing.

Maybe this video can describe what I mean.

Maybe not. My walk has been compared to a plod. Try not to get seasick watching.
What was rather surreal was I usually do not take tha route for anything but running. So normally I am in shorts and a t-shirt when traveling down that street. While I was wearing Under Armour this time it was the cold gear not stuff that is usually covered in sweat. Funny thing was, I was still sweating. I had probably bundled up more than what was needed. But who really wants to be cold anyway? Certainly not me, but it was cold out there.

Coming back to the warm confines of the Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor made the walk in Wednesday's Winter Wonderland worth it. However, the sooner spring comes the better. Only about a week until pitchers and catchers report!!!

De Soto Caverns - Childersburg, Alabama - State No. 29

2010-02-09T21:39:00.000-05:00

When I think of Alabama I think of....
Um....
Well, there was an obnoxious woman who insisted on yelling 'Roll Tide' at me while I was leaving a bar wearing a Penn State hat in New Orleans. That's right, before I was born this happened.

I guess she wasn't too bad.

Yes, it's likely the Crimson Tide will beat up on the Nittany Lions come college football season in 2010. New QB + new LBs for PSU = bad news. I can't say I am hopeful for the Lions when they face the Crimson Tide on the gridiron in 2010. While PSU would probably win in most athletic contests save football and baseball and probably win most academic contests, Alabama has a very good football team. Joe Paterno is certainly a better person than Nick Saban, Alabama has a very good football team. My Penn State hat does have one thing going for it: I do not live in Alabama. That's right, Dirty Jerz is way better than Alabama in just about every way. The Jersey Shore may lurk in Seaside Heights, but The Situation can't compare to William Bradley Bankston. It's probably due to the limited incest and the improved oral hygiene in NJ, but who can be sure.

Congratulations on the BCS Championship, Alabama. Unfortunately for you, you're still in Alabama!
My bad attitude towards obnoxious middle-aged women aside, Alabama is still one of the 50 states and therefore I am required by my vow to visit all of the state regardless of how much incest or squealing like a pig may go on there. My first choice would have been to visit the Gulf Coast and spend some time in the warm calm waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

That looks nice, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, Pics of Me in Front of stuff decided to visit the South in December.

This was the first photo that came up on a Google image search of 'Alabama winter'.

Less driving was required to drive through the northern half of Alabama, stay in Birmingham, and visit De Soto Caverns in Childersburg than try to hit up the Gulf Shore. It was hard to think of anything to do in Northern Alabama in December. It does not appear to be teeming with excitement even during the height of the tourist season. If Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was more interested in hunting Alabama may have been more interesting considering just how much wilderness there is in northern Alabama. Unfortunately, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff does not feature a blaze orange vest or a gun so hunting was not in the cards.

Before Pics of Me in Front of Stuff descended on De Soto Caverns, I expected something akin to a state or national park.

That expectation was built on the fact that De Soto Cavern is the first officially recorded cavern in United States history, dating back to a 1796 expedition in the area. De Soto, the conquistador, was reported as having spent time in the area with the Coosa Tribe and allegedly visited the cavern. So being linked to a fair amount of American history, you may expect something funded by the taxpayers. You may be able to tell from the signs, that is not what you get when you visit De Soto Caverns Park.

What you do get from De Soto Caverns is a bizarro amusement park with a cave underneath it. There are over 20 different attractions not including tours of the United States' first recorded cave though not all of them are open in December. The ones involving getting wet via water cannons and/or water balloons were closed due to the chilly weather as was the butterfly display. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff did get to travel through De Soto's Lost Trail Maze.

Considering how cold it was and the puddles lurking in the corners of the maze, it was quite a harrowing journey. Maybe I am not built as tough as De Soto, but I do not go around destroying ancient civilizations either. After finding our way through the lost trail, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff also panned for gemstones. They do not put diamonds in that sand but that water sure is cold in December. One of the employees did mention a previous visitor asked her to break ice to allow for his children to pan for the gemstones. His name was not De Soto, but apparently his kids were tougher than me too.

All I had to protect me was a lousy mustache.
Another of the employees, a middle-aged Alabama woman, let Pics of Me in Front of Stuff do a second pan for free! Not all of the 'Bama ladies are that bad!

After panning all of the gemstones we could, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff took a tour of what De Soto Caverns Park is known for...De Soto Cavern. The cave consists of several rooms featuring a multitude of rock formations. As caves go it's smaller than Luray Caverns but bigger than Penn's Cave. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is not a spelunking organization. The cave was pretty and well lit as caves go and that made it a lot easier to look around. Can you imagine someone stumbling around a cave with just a lantern to guide them? Pics of Me in Front of Stuff appreciates the adventurous spirit, but still thinks their nuts.
There were a multitude of rock formations lit up in unique ways.

Most of the cave provided lots of blurry pictures, like the one above and this one below.

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff just lacks the expertise to take pictures in low light. Messing with the settings did give a crazy looking image like this one.

The lack of photography skills aside, the cave was a very beautiful example of what we do not get to see very often. When was the last time you saw beauty built on the geologic time scale? That's millions of years for those of you not scientifically inclined. God or Nature or whatever omnipotent force you prefer took It's time making this cave. Think about that and then compare that to the 15 minutes you can imagine it takes me to pump out crap like this blog. They used to say a million monkeys with a million typewriters could pump out the great works of Shakespeare by just sheer chance. We now have the internet to prove that is not true. Someone else said that, I know for sure, but I don't know who. I can't take credit for it.

At the end of the tour our guide showed us one of the only places you can be in complete darkness.

They call it cave darkness for a reason.

After the darkness, there was a light show which was in the spirit of the Christmas season and a little heavy on the Jesus. Considering De Soto Cavern's location the theme was not surprising. At the very least, the lights were pretty. They matched the rock formations. The stalactites and stalagmites were definitely worth the long wait and if you are unlucky enough to be in northern Alabama any time of year I recommend visiting the caverns. I have a feeling the cool in the cave is a welcome respite to the heat in the summer. If you get a chance go visit and get out of the heat.

Gladys Knight and Ron Winans' Chicken and Waffles - Atlanta Georgia

2010-02-06T13:12:00.000-05:00

Georgia, Georgia,
The whole day through
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind

Before Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was even a glimmer in my eye, I visited Georgia with the Official Family of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff for the Olympics in 1996. We did not get to see the Dream Team, but we did see Australia play Denmark in baseball, power lifting, the only male American badminton player lose, and the US Women's basketball team annihilate Zaire's team. That was probably as international flavor as I have ever seen aside from multiple trips to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. Considering just how much of a jingo I am, I loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, being a teenager I imagine I was also a miserable pain in the ass. Sorry, Mom. Thanks for taking me to the Olympics!
At the beginning of December I returned to Atlanta, but just for a pit stop between Charleston, SC and Birmingham, AL. No international competitions this time.

View Larger Map

Instead of visiting the ATL to see the best and brightest in international amateur athletics, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff stopped to get some grub at Gladys Knight and Ron Winans' Chicken and Waffles. This destination was actually inspired by watching another form of competition - Man vs Food on the Travel Channel. Adam Richland was in town to tackle the 11-lb Carnivore Pizza Challenge. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was not there to gorge itself on copious amounts of pizza and meat. Hotlanta is only halfway between Charleston and Birmingham and trying to drive with 6+ lbs of dough, meat, and cheese does not me strike as a pleasant proposition.

There was no Midnight Train to or from Gladys and Ron's.

Pics of Me in Front of Stuff decided to focus on Gladys Knight and Ron Winans' Chicken and Waffles.

Before arriving at Gladys Knight's restaurant, I always considered chicken and waffles to include chicken gravy on top of roasted chicken on top of a waffle. That was probably the Pennsylvania Dutch version.

You could compare it to an open-faced chicken-waffle sandwich. I was certainly surprised when this fried chicken version was placed in front of me. That must be the soul food version.

Fried chicken and waffles?! Who knew?

I certainly had not considered it. I now consider it delicious. With a splash of hot sauce, some butter, and some maple syrup and a generous helping of helping myself to some macaroni and cheese this certainly was some excellent comfort food. Throw in some sweet tea, which was more or less my beverage of choice in the South, and this made me wish Pics of Me in Front of Stuff had a grandma to make food like this. Luckily, Gladys and Ron's has multiple locations and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff just needs to find an excuse to visit them.

Boone Hall Plantation - Mount Pleasant, South Carolina

2010-01-31T18:38:00.000-05:00

Before he was Dalton and before he stated that no one would place Baby into the vicinity of the intersection of two walls and also before he died, Patrick Swayze was Orry Main in North and South, a mini-series that was a pretty big deal in the early 80s. In the story, Orry falls in love, makes friends with a Yankee, fights in the Mexican-American War, and eventually fights the Damn Yankees in the Civil War. If you want a better synopsis, go to IMDB, the Official Movie Database of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff. I have never seen the mini-series because I was only 3 or 4 when it was aired and I can't say I have a burning desire to see Patrick Swayze in a gray woolen uniform. My favorite Swayze movie (Swoozie?) had to be Roadhouse partially because it was awesome, partially because I vaguely remember there being exposed boobs, and partially because there was a monster truck. My second favorite Swoozie was Point Break with Keanu Reeves because Keanu plays Johnny Utah, a former college football star, setting the stage for his appearance in The Replacements. Also, Gary Busey plays Keanu's partner and Mr. Busey brings a certain level of believable craziness to everything he does. If you have not seen him on Celebrity Fit Club I suggest you track it down on DVD ASAP.
But this blog is not supposed to be Patrick Swayze's filmography or an ode to Gary Busey being Gary Busey, I did not pay $10 for the domain name of my blog to be Me Talking About Pics of Patrick Swayze. Nope, this is Pics of Me in Front of Stuff and this time the Stuff is the location of Orry Main's fictional home, Boone Hall Plantation. That is the real place is called Boone Hall, I have no idea if it has a name in the mini-series.

Funny thing is, no pictures of me in this entry.

Boone Hall Plantation came into existence in 1681 when Major John Boone was given a land grant by his father-in-law as a wedding gift. The original house to stand on the land was not built until 1790 and it supposedly resembled a log cabin as opposed to the antebellum plantation pictured above. But who really wants to go see what life really looked like in the 1800s? I want the romanticized version of history. Who wants to hear about what really went on when the glamorized version from Hollywood is SO much better! I suggest Choke by Chuck Palahniuk if you want to hear a unique interpretation of the historical reenactment business. The film with Sam Rockwell is pretty good, too. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff likes its steaks medium rare and its history romanticized. Luckily, in the early 20th Century, Thomas Stone, a Canadian diplomat, bought the plantation and built the current house as a gift to his wife. Thank you, Mr. Stone. The McRae family currently owns the plantation and allows tours of the first floor of the home which they keep a romanticized version of historically furnished. The McRae family also does not allow pictures of the interrior of their historically furnished home.

Actually the plantation's most striking feature is not the house, but rather the Avenue of Oaks leading up to the gates of the house.

Who gives a shit about the inside?

I feel like the picture above does not do the oaks justice. It's not easy taking photos while hanging out the window of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff's white rental car. Going up that driveway felt like going to visit Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind. The Spanish Moss hanging from the American Oaks made for an image that is what most people think of before they visit a plantation. Can't South Carolina make that requirement a state law? First, all plantations should have antebellum mansions. Second, every antebellum mansion should be required to have an Avenue of Oaks as its driveway. Third, we should be greeted by an elderly sharecropper singing Zippity Doo Dah or Swing Low Sweet Chariot. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff may start to petition to the South Carolina legislature so they could take care of that right after the Pennsylvania legislature enacts a law preventing the death of Joe Paterno. I'll leave out my feelings on state laws regarding Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and the Loch Ness Monster because I would not want anyone to lose respect for Pics of Me in Front of Stuff based on my beliefs.

Aside from the Avenue of the Oaks, Boone Hall Plantation is also known as one of America's oldest working plantations. They grow lots of different produce there as well as cotton and Pics of Me in Front of Stuff learned all about it during the plantation grounds tour from the delightful old driver. What he was driving was hard to describe but that won't stop me from presenting on. Consider a school bus chassis on top of which was welded a metal platform covered with a tarp and seats for an open-air tour. It may have been four-wheel drive but I would not have sat down for a ride if I knew we were going off-roading. Seeing as how the driver sat at what must have been the console may have come from a 1984 Volkswagen Sciroco, this vehicle screamed DIY. Mostly the ride stuck to the dirt roads that meandered around the property. There were cotton fields and strawberry fields and just about any type of produce field you can imagine. Having lived in rural Pennsylvania most of my life, this was just another ride through the countryside but it was certainly superior to the New Jersey landscape to which I have become accustomed. It's very different from the grounds of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor.

Can you tell which is which?!

Our Friendly driver also managed to show us some of the wildlife roaming around Boone Hall Plantation. A tiny green tree snake managed to fall on top of him and more or less provide a modicum of excitement for all of the visitors to the Plantation that day.

I do declare, this gave me the vapors!

Let's be honest, Boone Hall Plantation is not a place you go for an adrenaline rush. Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was there with some elderly people and maybe a few foreign tourists on holiday. Not the kind of group that you would find base jumping or mountain climbing. Then again, I have not done either so maybe that is the exact type of crowd you find base jumping. However, for $10 it is not a bad or expensive way to kill a few hours especially on a warm sunny afternoon in December. If you have never seen agriculture in action, this may just be the tour for you!